the sun didnt come out,again..

the night is y0ung && s0 are we..

2010-10-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

ya kn0w, its w0nderfull t0 be a girl, we always always have the right t0 change 0ur mind.. n0t that mucch 0f resp0nsibility we have t0 c0nsider.. we can bacck 0ut anytime we feel like we wanna d0 it.. n0thing is permanent anyway.. ya kn0w, thats the pr0blem with me..

lemme sh0w y0u the scenari0..

i like this guy, he likes me, then we like s0rta m0ve 0n t0 the next step, then i freaak 00ut.. d0nt even kn0w y.. i kinda realise that we're m0ving t00 fast 0r i even get b0red, well m0st 0f the time, thats the case.. then i just pulled away fr0m him.. fr0m the relati0nship.. then he'll feel s0 unl0ved && ign0red.. then time and again, he'll tried t0 make this thing w0rk, then he give up = break up.. he m0ve 0n, && s0 am i..

my life is s0 l0nely, y0u guys.. xD

ya, i make succh a h0rrible h0rrible girlfriend, but i g0tta admit, im a w0nderfull w0nderfull bestfriend.. reaally.. my life is always && had always been surr0unded by my girlfriends.. we hung 0ut, all the time!! hehe.. && anyway, there's n0thing wr0ng with liking t0 be al0ne.. abs0lutely n0thing.. i L0VE being al0ne at times.. i can always always make my 0wn decisi0n with0ut w0rrying fucking it up.. i d0nt have t0 c0nsider 0ther pe0ple 0pini0ns, suggesti0ns 0r 0ther's 0ption.. i can d0 whatever i want.. whenever i want.. its like a pers0nal freed0m t0 me..

&& i believe , every0ne will have their al0ne time s0metimes.. && im enj0ying every minute 0f it..

t0 s0me pe0ple, l0ve is a paradise.. its rainb0w everywhere t0 them..

my definiti0n 0f l0ve is, its a bittersweet sensati0n, its the p0is0n, but its als0 the antid0te.. its a nerve-wrecking, teeth gritting, finger-nail biting, brain expl0ding , bl00d russhing, heart p0unding experience.. && thats make me want it m0re && m0re.. enj0ying the thrill , enj0ying the ride.. ya kn0w the feeling, y0u're at the edge 0f the cliff, getting ready t0 jump (its the bungee jumping, y0u guys.. but the extreme 0ne.. xD) , y0u kn0w, 0ne wr0ng m0ve, y0u're g0nna die.. && that feeling bef0re y0u jump, that terrified feeling, that scares the shit 0ut 0f y0u.. is what keep y0u g0ing.. && the feeling when y0u jump, the adrenaline russhh t0 y0ur brain, that thrill, g0nna make y0u addicted t0 the game.. yeaaah .. that feeling baby.. sav0ur every m0ment 0f it.. cause when y0u're tired 0f the game, thats it..

y0u make me wanna die, i'll never be g00d en0ugh..

2010-10-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

sh0w me all the things i sh0uldnt kn0w.. i've everything, all the 0pp0rtunities f0r eternity, that i c0uld bel0ng t0 the night.. everything l00ks better when the light c0mes d0wn, when there's the m00n 0n the rise..

im more interested in finding happiness than finding the right label..

2010-10-06T04:58:00.000-07:00

Why wOuld yOu deny yOurself the oppOrtunity tO lOve someOne? LOve is the mOst beautiful, fascinating, breathtaking, mind-blOwing, nerve-wracking, nail-biting, wOnderful experiences that life has tO Offer. DOn’t pass it up just because you’re scared.. :')

s0metimes, life is just s0 unpredictable, like l00k at me n0w, i cnt even decide what t0 use f0r my o's, i wanna it t0 l00k this way ->0

0r this way ->O hmm.. hahahahs..

aniwei, its been gazzili0n years since i bl0g, s0metimes i just d0nt feel like it, ya kn0w.. bt i d0 what i wanna d0, like what i always tell my friends, cars st0p f0r me nt i st0p f0r em.. hehehe xD

and aniwei, when i wanna d0 what i wanna d0, it inv0lve risk.. like what if i died..? 0r pe0ple dies..? bt then S0me things are w0rth the risk, n0, ALL things are w0rth the risk. Y0u have t0 d0 the crazy shit every0ne tells y0u n0t t0 d0, y0u have t0 make bad decisi0ns, run out of m0ney, live 0n a c0uch, get y0ur heart smashed, fall in l0ve with the wr0ng pers0n, n0t sleep f0r days, break s0me b0nes, get s0me scars, dr0p 0ut of sch00l when y0u’re 20, g0 back when y0u’re 24, get y0ur masters when y0u’re 60, start a company, l0se that company, quit y0ur j0b, hit r0ck b0tt0m, start all 0ver..

It d0esn’t matter. N0thing matters but y0u. What makes YOU happy. Freaking d0 it. Take a chance and d0n’t ever look back, d0n’t ever look back . just bec0use, i d0nt wanna live my life later 0n with this lingering th0ught, what if..? i d0nt wanna regret later 0n that i let g0 0f a certain 0pp0rtunity, just bec0use im scared t0 make that leap.. ya kn0w, later, with greying hairs, at the park, watching kids running ar0und in bliss and j0y, wishing s0 hard, s0 damn hard t0 be able t0 turn back time.. and have this 'what if 20 years ag0, i've this c0urage t0 l0ve and t0 be l0ved, my life w0nt be this miserable then..' but then its t00 late, its t00 darn late.. its just hyp0thetical speech,u guys..

bt n0w,right n0w, i've this lingering in my head 'what if , me , myself cant accept that certain part 0f me.. the best part 0f me, in my 0pini0n.. G0d's gift.. bt actually, He, Himself resent it if i embrace it.. its n0t a gift i think, its a test, i think.. bec0use i, myself d0nt understand why .. he gave it t0 me..? is it wr0ng if i say it like that..? is it t00 far..? i d0nt kn0w.. im s0 c0nfused.. i think i need help.. hmm..

PE0PLE LIE, EVERY SEC0NDS.. EVERY DAY..

2010-08-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

Samek0m!!! hahahs.. jst kidding.. the super duper gd 0l' me g0nna d0 it the c0rrect way..

ekkhemm, Assalamualaikum..

kinda miss it, ya kn0w.. its funny, n0w, its like i've f0rg0tten h0w t0 give my salaam..

all my life, i've been taught && br0ught up a certain way..

i've been taught Islam waaay bef0re i learn h0w t0 talk && even, been whispered azan in b0th my ears bef0re i even 0pen my eyes.. && its scary, h0w its fading fr0m my life.. h0w insecured im feeling right n0w, its like i've been pryed 0pen && left 0ut there, al0ne.. && h0w lonely i feel, s0metimes..

EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP N0W.. I D0NT EVEN WANNA TRY ANYM0RE..

2010-08-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

D, well, hell0.. its been awhile i p0st s0mething huhh..? hahahs.. ya kn0w d, if i were t0 p0st everything that happens in my life, every single day, my bl0g will be super l0ng, n darn, i can even make a b00k 0ut 0f it.. a 500 pages? n0, i think n0t, it'll darn mucch mucch m0re.. s0metimes, i d0nt even kn0w h0w t0 start..

D, my life used t0 be mucch mucch m0re simpler than this.. i d0nt even kn0w h0w n0rmal feels like.. n0rmal day, n0rmal..? hmm, && s0metimes i think that its a n0n-existing thing..

BE READY HEART, F0R PARTING, BE READY BRAVELY..

2010-07-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

This m0rning, i fucked up big time.. when umii && abii sl0wly started t0 believe in me again, t0 trust me again, i fucked it upp.. why must this happen t0 me, ab0ve all the c0mplexity && c0mplicatedness, hecticcness, why must ths happen.. 0h my~

ahh, f0r fuck sake..~

0h my, i cursed al0tt.. st0pp it kay.. hmmphh..

i thinkk n0w im in depressi0n already.. dnt feel like g0ingg h0me..

bt at times, i feel like running h0me t0 the warmth 0f umiii hugg, bt f0r the frst time i hesitated whether she'll hug me bck..

0h my.. s0metimes, i just felt tht its better t0 fall 0ff the 100th st0rey high building than t0 fall in l0ve.. its less painful, aint it?

i wanna g0 back t0 my childh00d badly..~

2010-07-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

I'VE 0NLY REALISE N0W THAT,

MY BL0G IS SUPER DUPER UBER LAME~

hahahahs.. && guess what..?

im pr0ud 0f that!

-.-''

Y0U MAY THINK THAT Y0U'RE FALLING IN L0VE, BUT I, I MAY THINK THAT IM BEING CAGED..

2010-07-03T09:23:00.000-07:00

Dear D, well.. i guess t0day was 0kay..

hehs.. it was really 0kay.. really..

t0day, hell, i ate al0t..

i meant n0t just t0day.. this wh0le week!! al0t 0f western + junkk f00d = t0tal fatness !! 0h my.. i've t0 watch my diet n0wadays..

0r im g0nna turn int0 a t0tal fatty f0r real..

i missed my j0gging these few days.. i miss it.. hmmph, been busy..

i really need t0 j0g n0t t0tally bec0use 0f my unc0ntr0lled diet.. bt m0stly bec0use i need t0 thinkk, i need it, t0 feel the rush.. the adrenaline rushing thr0ugh my veins, my bl00ds russh t0 my brains.. && the perspiring, the sweats.. everything ab0ut it.. && i thinkk, i reaally need it bec0use when i run, i just felt that im running away fr0m everything.. fr0m every pr0blems i've.. fr0m every0ne that is causing insanity in my life.. its like im running away fr0m the w0rld.. && it felt great.. f0r a m0ment there, i felt like im free.. im free fr0m every0ne, everything, && hell, fr0m all..

w0w, it just felt great, but then.. its just f0r a m0ment there.. && after that, i felt like im crusshed d0wn, back t0 Earth with a great thump! haaisshh.. bt D, it felt great, even if its f0r a m0ment, f0r a sec0nd.. && im sav0uring every m0ment 0f it when im d0ing it..

everytime, its 8 o'cl0ck sharp, && im at h0me, i felt a great magnet is pulling me t0 my 'l0nely' park.. && at the end 0f the day, i find myself running t0wards it.. && i'd ch0se my 'l0nely' park 0ver the sh0pping mall.. my 'lonely' park 0ver the theme park, name it.. disney land? anything.. i still ch00se my 'l0nely' park..

D, i ch00se my freed0m, my pers0nal freed0m 0ver guys.. thats what ive realised t00.. its just that, i think, being attached is such a hassle..

its like my freed0m being snatched away && it suff0cates me..

D, its been raining a l0t lately.. the rains, w0w! my m0m always says it 'barakah' when its rain, && i think s0 t00.. bt im n0t really a fan 0f wetness.. this wet wet thing..

i didnt say it sucks, rains can be very w0nderfull at times especially in singap0re, summer all year l0ng && the h0t weather thr0ugh && thr0ugh but it can be a t0tal pain in the ass when i f0rg0t t0 bring my umbrella (always) && when im wearing slippers.. i've t0 walk like a penguin f0r the rest 0f the day, && it sucks..

but y0u kn0w D, whats s0 great ab0ut rains, besides what they usually like t0 say, ab0ut the rainb0ws && stuff..

t0 me,whats s0 great ab0ut it is the atm0sphere after the rains, its n0t h0t, its n0t wet.. the temperature is just right.. well, in fact, the temperature is just perfect..

i like t0 walk, real sl0wly, after the rain..

the c0ld wind carressing my skin.. the temperature.. everything ab0ut it, is just s0 perfect, && i'd always wished that time will st0p f0r awhile && just let me enj0y the m0ment a lil bit l0nger..

2010-06-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

The 0pen w0und she hides
She just keeps it bundled up and never lets it sh0w
She can't take much m0re of this, but she can't let it g0
Ah, that's 0kay, she d0n't want the world.

All the things she says, br0ken inside
With0ut s0me0ne t0 hear her cry
She slips off int0 a dream, ab0ut a place to hide
And that's 0kay, she d0n't want the w0rld.

Th0se w0rds he never spoke,
H0ld her like the mem0ries 0f all the times bef0re
She tried t0 show him l0ve, while he w0uld 0nly ask f0r more
But it's 0kay, she d0n't want the w0rld

S0ftly in her sleep,
Pictures 0f the life she's l0nging f0r sl0wly appear
She's seen them all bef0re but s0meh0w never quite this clear
She just smiles, she d0n't want the w0rld

A brand new m0rning shines, she wakes up al0ne again, this time to face the day
She swears this time t0 make it, as she simply walks away and it's 0kay...
She d0n't want the w0rld

EVERYTHING SEEMS S0 FRAGILE, THEN WE REALISE THAT WE'RE SPECIAL..

2010-06-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

al0t 0f things happend in my life.. && all 0f it happen s0 fast..

all the insanities, the craziness..

heartaches.. headaches.. && it simply suff0cates me..

bt then, its nt fair t0 0nly say all the bad things aite..

th0se m0ment that lights me up, makes me smile.. it simply cl0uds evrything else!

im living every minute 0f my life with0ut regrets, bt s0metimes i d0 regret s0me 0f my freaking decisi0ns..

like 0ne, kn0wing a certain ppl in my life tht causing all the insanities s0me pe0ple have 70% 0f trust, 0thers perhaps 50% ..? but me, im running 0n empty .. y0u guys..
&& r0ck my stable life like hell, && then just simply g0es away, with0ut even l00k backk. && during that pr0cess, i've l0st my s0ul.. s0me part 0f me, that is just s0 imp0rtant .. the essential thing 0f being human.. my heart.. i didnt really l0st it, i just , it just seems s0 hard t0 trust..s0me pe0ple have 70% 0f trust, 0thers perhaps 50% ..? but me, im running 0n empty .. y0u guys..

2010-06-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts

EY ALAAA, CUT THE CRAP!

2010-06-01T03:55:00.000-07:00

There's a game called circle, && i think y0u kn0w the rules already..

~*~

G0d gave us tw0 arms && tw0 legs

&& he also gave us the capacity t0 l0ve,

t0 want t0 t0uch each 0ther,

t0 want t0 kn0w that y0ur heartbeats accelerating with excitement whenever i l00k at y0u..

&& y0u're trying t0 make it s0 much harder and m0re c0mplicated as if its n0t en0ugh that all 0f humanity c0mplicates it already..

t0 l0ve is als0 t0 accept rejecti0n..

t0 understand that y0u're g0ing t0 get hurt, y0u're g0ing t0 suffer..

y0u're g0ing t0 cry..

t0day y0u marry && y0u live happily ever after? false!

bec0use if i've learned s0mething after all 0f these years

"n0thing Last f0rever.."~

I PLAYED WITH FIRE, ITS JUAT A MATTER 0F TIME IT BURNS ME..

2010-05-15T06:11:00.000-07:00

Eyy alaaa, im s0 b0red, s0 b0red, && damn bared..

aiy00!

haiishh.. schl is very lame ley..hehehehs!

i d0nt even kn0w why im here in the first place..

&& the tut0rial r00m is freaking c0ld lei!!

damn c0ld!!

shivering fr0m just n0w sia..

haaiisshh, && damn n0isy!

haaaaaaaiiiiiii..

cnt wait t0 get 0ut fr0m here.. :((

&& i miss th0se w0rds, "lets get y0u 0ut fr0m here.."

i want it s00 baaaaaad..

suddenly feels like crying right n0w..

ITS NICE TO KNOW, THAT PEOPLE ARE DYING EVERYWHERE, EVERY MINUTE && IM ENJOYING EVERY SECOND OF IT.. :))

2010-05-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

Umii, it seems that just yesterday i was lying 0n y0ur lap && y0u was playing, caressing my hair, && i was 0nly 5 years 0ld.. && in tw0 days, in 0nly tw0 days time, i'll be 18.. 0mg, h0w time flies!!!

h0w i miss the 0ld times, when y0u really pampers me.. sh0wering me with all y0ur l0ve.. me, the inn0cent, angelic me, wh0 still s0 pure..

the me, wh0 0nly with y0ur gaze will be shaking fr0m head t0 t0e with fright..

the me, wh0 fr0m day t0 night will listen t0 y0u, 0nly t0 y0u, n0t t0 this satan-w0rshipper musician..

&& the me, wh0 really, truly respect y0u && really mean it, with my acti0n..

umii, y0u'll be w0ndering.. where's yaya'd g0ne t0..? where's my lil 0l yaya'd dissapeared? the 0ne i'd raised her t0 be..? the 0ne i watched 0ver her sleeping when she'd her nightmares, waking up in the middle 0f the night crying..? the 0ne i take care 0f when she fell ill && cant evn swall0w the rice p0rridge i c00k f0r her..? the 0ne i kissed her f0rehead when she went back h0me crying when she fell d0wn her bike f0r the first time she tried t0 ride 0n 0ne..? umii, y0u must want that yaya right..? wh0 always s0 happy.. c0nstantly laughing.. even at the lame-est j0ke ever..

umii, i want t0 g0 back in time..we've been s0 happy..

umii, i miss y0u.. i really am..

n0w suddenly, i feels like running t0 y0u && hug you.. hug y0u s0 tightly.. when i came back h0me fr0m w0rk just n0w, && l00king at y0u, the sleeping y0u.. i felt like crying.. y0u l00k s0 peaceful, umii..&& unbelievably beautiful.. && y0u're sleeping s0 s0undly && in bliss..

please wake up umii.. && tell me that y0u'll never leave me! ahh, im s0 scared right n0w.. umii, mayb, im the w0rst daughter ever..

but i kn0w, y0u l0ve me, right umii.. it just that y0u're dissap0inted in me.. bt i need t0 tell y0u umii, && mayb, i'll never have en0ugh c0urage 0r i'll ever tell y0u.. i really l0ve y0u, l0ve y0u s0 muchh.. && give me the chance t0 fullfil my resp0nsibility as a daughter && take care 0f y0u, f0rever..

f0rever && ever..

happy m0ther's day umii..

please d0nt ever ever leave me, umii..

&& i l0ve y0u, f0rever.. f0rever && ever.. :'))

LETS G0 T0 A PLACE WHERE IT IS ALL SIMPLER THAN THIS..~

2010-05-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

There c0mes the time, im scared 0f the blackness..

the blackness 0f the beautiful night..

the blackness 0f my 0wn r00m..

&& simply the blackness 0f my 0wn fear, being al0ne..

im n0t relevant anym0re..

idk D, i've bec0me m0re sensitive n0wadays..

its like i feels that the wh0le w0rld is picking a fight with me..

me against the wh0le w0rld..

cant get chided, even a lil..

OMG.. -_-''

AFTER I'VE L0ST S0METHING, 0NLY THEN I REALISE, THAT WE'RE SPECIAL..

2010-04-30T05:45:00.000-07:00

D.. i'm feeling awwful right n0w..

i've just w0ke up fr0m my sleep..

i'd an awful nightmare..

very very awful..

i w0ke up in tears..

&& its very heart-wrenching..

i d0nt wanna g0 back t0 sleep anym0re..

" Bad dreams Bad dreams g0 away,

sweet dreams sweet dreams here t0 stay.." x3

we've t0 d0 it 3 times before it really works.. -_-''

i d0nt believe in it just s0 u kn0w..

~Rand0m.. i heard this s0mewhere..

DREAMIIINNGG, && IM FALLING..

2010-04-29T08:09:00.000-07:00

&& It seems, it was just yesterday..

Th0se days are g0ne && it was just mem0ries..

CAN WE PRETEND THAT AIRPLANES IN THE NIGHT SKY LIKE SHOOTING STARS, I CAN REALLY USE A WISH RIGHT NOW..~

2010-04-26T09:45:00.001-07:00

Heys D..

its raining cats && dogs here..

i kinda like the wet weather..its s0 c00ling..

the chill, even after the rains..

its kinda makes my day..

ya kn0w D..

i'd a shitty day yesterday..with abii, with umiii..

bt t0day, they all act as if yesterday didnt even exist..

its kinda suckks.. ya kn0w..

after all the yelling.. the stares.. && the 'l00k'

l00king at me, as if i've dissap0inted them big time..

th0se eyes, i can never ever forget them..

ya kn0w after the big, huge ruckus..

i ran away..

ran away fr0m them, fr0m 'h0me', fr0m everything..

i just walked, && walked..&& walked 0n by..

&& atlast, i reached my 'sp0t'..

the l0nely park..

i just sat there..

f0r h0urs && h0urs..

just sat there..

stare int0 n0thingness..

im scared, 0f myself..when i've s0mething g00d, i feel c0mpelled t0 destr0y it..

im scared, i've already destr0y it ya kn0w..

the trust, the 'family'..

i kn0w, umiii, abiii, felt utterly dissap0inted in me..

&& they never feels the same f0r me again..

i d0nt even kn0w if they still l0ve me, if it really exist..

&& they 0nly kn0w like a part 0f me, 0nly A part 0f the real me..

its ugly, inside, ya kn0w..

i'll never c0me 0ut, i swear.. bec0use they are like my family ya kn0w..

its hard t0 be ar0und pe0ple ya kn0w..

&& they are like the 0nly pe0ple im c0mf0rtable be ar0und with..

O God, if l0ve && happiness really exist , in this Real World, please let it stay.. Right Here, Right n0w..

FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFML!!!!!!

2010-04-25T01:01:00.000-07:00

Fuck My Life!

Aaaaarrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!!! im s0 s0 s0 mad right n0w..

TsskkTsskkTsskk :'(

D.. talk t0 me D.. i nid s0me0ne t0 talk t0.. Why is it s0 hard t0 live D..

&& why is it, it is s0 fucking Damn hard t0 understand me..?

why abii..? why umii..?

just fucking understand me, will ya..

&& trust me...

is it s0 damn hard..?

i d0nt ask f0r y0ur attenti0n..i kn0w it already, i w0nt get it..

bt just fucking trust me!! will ya..?

&& d0nt judge me..

&& never ever ever ever c0mpare me with them!!!

im n0t y0ur 0ther children.. im me!

y0u 0nly have 0ne hidayah..

0nly 0ne..

&& i kn0w it already..im different..im the bad 0ne..im the r0tten 0ne..

bt.. umiii, abiii.. im still so y0ung..s0 very y0ung.. && still c0nfuse..

bt 0ne thing im certain ab0ut.. i l0ve y0u guys..

l0ve y0u guys very much..

&& this wik, is such a shitty wik..!!!

cnt believe it, its already been 0ne wik, since schl re0pens..

uurghh.. 3 pr0j!!

cnt believe it..

feels like killin myself right now.. -_-''

IM NOT READY TO LOST YOU, BT I DONT EVEN GOT THE CHANCE TO SAY THAT..

2010-04-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

atlast.. D, atlast..

he say it..

"n0, i trust y0u n0 m0re..ever since that day.."

well, he didnt say it t0 my face..

but when he said that.. its kinda give me this sinking feeling..

its like my heart sank in.. && then *speechless*

bt then, aba.. i kn0w, why..bec0use its simply, i misplaced ur trust..i d0nt blame y0u..its my fault..

im s0rry.. i'd rather y0u spank me, 0r hit..

just d0nt give me this silent punishment..

BEING IN DENIAL, WILL IT HELP..?

2010-03-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

Dearr D,

ya kn0w..

atlast! atlast!

i've t0ld lala..~

awww, she is such a sweetheart~

ya kn0w what!! i just feels like screaming right n0w!!! have i really l0st my mind D..? :'((

im angry right n0w!!! im really am!!, bt D,i d0nt know, wh0 im being angry with..with myself..? bt damnit D! i didnt asked t0 be like this..t0 feel like this.. why 0 why..?~

im a h0peless case am i?

hmm, D.. ya kn0w, im s0 glad i've Lala as my friend.. she really didnt freak 0ut 0r anything.. bt, she.. ya kn0w what she said..? hahahs! she t0tally think that its just my mentality.. she said that if i think im really am, then i'll really be..

"dyh, kal0 k0 slalu pikir macam g2..begituulaaa yg akan terjadi.."

really..?? really D..?

ya kn0w D..wh0 needs a life..?? when what we're seeing is n0t real..?

i 0nly believe it if i see it with my eyes..

i can feel it in my hands..

l0ve..? i can't see it..i cant feel it..it just left a tingling feeling in my heart && it just pass me by..

it just pass me by...

IF YOUR HEART IS COLD, MY SHEETS ARE WARM..

2010-03-13T21:45:00.000-08:00

Deaaaar D,

heyya! XD

im nuts, aint i..?

hahahs!

ermm, ya kn0w D?

just n0w i've been thinking.. if i d0nt have anything t0 d0, i'll think..t00 much thinking is bad f0r y0ur health, ya kn0w D..hehe..s0 well, this th0ught pass me by..

Life is n0thing but a cycle, hmm D?

everyday is just a repetiti0n 0f any 0ther day..

every day y0u'll be d0ing the same thing..

y0u'll eat,

Drink,

breath~ Duhh.. -_-''

&& the same 0l' thing..

&& 0f c0z, hehe, s0lat.. XD

&& ya kn0w D..

have y0u ever've any regrets..?

ya kn0w, last night, at ab0ut 3am, i asked myself that question..

"dyh, f0r all these 17 years y0u've lived, l00king back, d0 you've any regrets..?"

thinking back, thinking hard..

it t00k me a l0ng time f0r me t0 answer..

then i smiled t0 myself..

"n0..i d0nt have any regrets.. ya kn0w, f0r all these years.. i've always been given tw0 ch0ice, && the decisi0n is always mine..&& t0 me, my decisi0n is always the best 0r sec0nd best, f0ll0wing my idi0tic head 0r my em0ti0nal heart..s0 i d0nt have any regrets.."

&& y0u kn0w D, all these years..

there's always s0me0ne f0r me t0 c0nsult in when i d0nt kn0w where t0 g0, which directi0n sh0uld i f0ll0w..

Umi&&Aba.. :')

CAUSE, I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ALL OVER ME NOW.. XD

2010-03-13T21:40:00.000-08:00

In the space between what's right and wr0ng

y0u'll find me right here waiting f0r y0u..

all y0ur f0rtresses g0 d0wn in the night

t0 the dawn i'll see y0u thr0ugh..

~*~*~*~*~*~

HEYYY PAPA, CAN Y0U HEAARR MEEE..??~

2010-03-09T04:56:00.000-08:00

Deaaar D,

ahh..al0t 0f things happened t0 me, ya kn0w..

till i d0nt kn0w where t0 start..

bt ya kn0w D,

i've start j0gging..

hahahs..

yeaa, its n0t that i've gr0wn fat 0r s0mething..

hahahs..bt i do've gain s0me weight..XD

bt i'm n0t a m0rning pers0n, s0 i jog late at night..

its n0t that late..

its ar0und 8+ t0 9+..

im scared to jog that late,myself..

hmm, its just i l0ike t0 run.. i cant think when i run..

&& i l0ike my sweaty self..hehe seeexxxaaayy..XD

n0w, whenever i need to 'runaway'..

i run, 0r yea, listen to music..

thats my only escapade..~

bt its very peaceful, ya kn0w..

especially the place where i jog..

the tranquility..

its like im the 0nly pers0n alive whenever im there..

2010-03-03T07:41:00.000-08:00

Phiiiiiieeeeeew!!!

at last && alassst..!!!

EXAM DABESSSHH!!!

OMGOMGOMG..

THANK GOD.. :')

nak blang tuu je..hehe

papai..~

~~HANDS SEALED WITH KISS~~

2010-02-17T07:20:00.001-08:00

&& so the little infant fell int0 a deep sleep

among Grey ashes in the flames,Shining

First, 0ne then tw0

Surfaces, numer0us 0f y0ur faces

A th0usand dreams trickle back t0 Earth

0n the night when the silver eyes were trembling

the Shining y0u was b0rn

acr0ss milli0n 0f years

the prayers have already returned back t0 earth

i'll c0ntinue t0 pray

please best0w up0n this child,my l0ve

up0n 0ur j0ined hands,leave a gentle kiss

i'll c0ntinue t0 pray

IT'S NOT EN0UGH, && IT'LL NEVER BE ENOUGH..*

2010-02-16T08:01:00.000-08:00

**MUMMY.. L00KING AT ME,TELL ME WHADDYA SEE?

YES, I'VE LOST MY MIND..

DADDY.. L00KING AT ME,

WILL I EVER BE FREE?

HAVE I CROSSED THE LINE?***

Ahh, D? ya kn0w,

i've ever asked myself..

what exactly life wants with me? i kn0w the reas0n why we're here,i kn0w it already..i've been taught ab0ut it even bef0re i kn0w h0w to talk..but putting the religi0us stuff aside..i've been searching f0r s0mething but even myself, me, i d0nt kn0w what i've been l00king f0r, a certain answer && even at night, with0ut realising it..i've p0ndering ab0ut it..

maybe, its true..i've a certain issue with myself.. -_-''

but i've en0ugh ya kn0w, they keep telling me that these all are just a phase..

&& it'll g0 away..

maybe i'll just have t0 let it g0 huhh?

but ya kn0w D..

s0metimes when i'm 0utside, i f0und myself l00king f0r y0u..

im s0me0ne wh0'll never let g0 huhh..

hahahs.. -_-''

~~Ooo, WANNA SUFFOCATE, NO MORE..~~

2010-02-11T06:22:00.000-08:00

**It feels like the End..**

Ahah! exaggerating as usual uhkk yaya..hahahs:))

haish, everytime, when the exam is c0ming,

i'll feel l0ike this..

my head'll spin,i'll have a nasty nasty headache..

my stomach'll twist in pain..

&& it feels like there's a knife,a serrated knife stabbing my heart again && again..

leaves me tattered && t0rn..

~*~

~~ NO MORE YOU,WHAT IMMA GONNA DO..? ~~

2010-02-07T00:22:00.000-08:00

Hmm, typical sunday m0rning..~

0thers w0uld m0st pr0bably be at 0rchard..?

Dating.. watching m0vies 0r s0mething..

haisshh, im such a h0mey pers0n..

me? i prefer lazing r0und at h0me..

this is the 0nly time i can slip in all day!!

w00h00!:))

bye! ZzzzZzz~

~~ YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME~~

2010-02-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

Im Daamnn B0red!!! mama, help me..~*~

Save me fr0m this b0redom! ughh.. -_-''

WTF?

Dammmnn B0redd, s0 0ut of b0red0m, i bang my head against the keyb0ard && d0 the bangra dance!! ahh..wth.. -_-''

i'll always bull-shitting when im b0red..so put up with me yea..uhuhh~

suddenly feels like talking ab0ut first l0ve..

hmm..cnt believe my first l0ve breaks my heart t0 pieces..

crussheed it, trampled on it..

haissh..s0metimes guys are just s0 s0 s0 hard t0 understand..

bt wth, i've forgotten b0ut it anyway..

i've m0ve 0n, && then i met you.. *winx*

i still remember, what you said t0 me,

"You want my Love,

My future,

My present,

You've to accept && f0rget b0ut my

Past.."

&& Right now, i cant f0rget MY past..

Never can i walk to the MY future..

Never Can I M0ve 0n..

But wth -_-''

sh0uldnt be w0rrying b0ut that n0w, cn w0rry b0ut it later..

what sh0uld i d0 now, D..

my exams are just ar0und the c0rner..

&& serious shit! i've n0t prepare f0r it yet..

yea Rite, Early-Preparation= Yaya???!!

~*~Pigs, Goats, Dogs, Cats, Lamps, TV can fly..

*bangs head against the keyboard,again..*

Ara, im not that bad..hehe:))

Ahahh!! bt, all my projs,

-my programming proj, yurpie, i've present it already..hehehe:))

*thumbs-up!!*

- my-nt-wrking-PCB-dingd0ngbellcircuit-finally-wrking!!!g0nna hand it in t0 teacher t0m0r0..!!!

*tw0 thumbs-up!!*

-my creativity pr0j, present it already!

*three thumbs-up,using my-left-foot-thumb-t00!!!!*

hahahas..s0, all th0se bala'-g0ne!!

dissapears int0 thin air..

hmm, s0 g0nna study real hard, f0r my upc0ming exams..

chaiy0!!yaya!!chionggg!!! *y0ssh!*

say it t0 me D,"y0u can d0 it, Yaya..Becouse, its y0u.."

I NEED ALLAH IN MY LYYFEE~ &&& I NEED HYYM THE MOST RIGHT NOW~~~:''((((

2010-02-03T06:35:00.000-08:00

~*~WISHING THAT HEROES, THEY TRULY EXIST~*~

"T0 hell, with all the stares..th0se pe0ple gave us..they're just jealous && g0t no life.." Ooo, h0w i l0ng to hear th0se w0rds again D,..

Just n0w, with0ut realising it..

i just crushed s0me0ne hearts t0 pieces..

He'd sacrificed al0t f0r me~

bt,Opps,i did it again..

i've really to watch my temper && keep it in check.

gt issues with it,Damn!

Like hell, Lyfe is beautifull D..

But D, i've been searching for peace, t0night..

th0ught that my sleeping family && the night's tranquility would give me that, But D, it didnt..

t0night is so serene..But i just feel something is amiss in my life..

an Unsettling feeling that something is missing..

Just like a JigsawPuzzle,with a l0t 0f h0les..

D.. THERE ARE TIMES, I JUST PANIC && SO SO SCARED THAT I JUST WISHED THAT I JUST LAY DOWN && DIED..~

2010-01-27T06:06:00.000-08:00

~TAKE ALL OF MY PAINS AWAY,D..

TOGETHER WITH ALL OF MY MEMORIES,

MY JOY,

MY HAPPINESS..

COZ, I DONT NEED ALL THAT WHEN WHAT IM FEELING RIGHT NOW IS ONLY UNHAPPINESS~

Just n0w, its s0 cha0tic!!! there's a labtest && me N ika, we panic!

we d0nt kn0w what the hell is going 0n..

&& lucky~

just n0w labtest is kinda familiar with the lab last wk, s0 ~lucky!!*peace*

hahas..bt still we're like the last 0ne t0 finisshh bt heck-care!!at least we finishhh it,right D??!!

&& damnitt, t0m0r0 we're g0nna have thisss BIG quiz that c0ntribute upt0 20% t0 0ur 0verall marks at the end 0f 0ur semm..

ahhk, shhaiisshh!

&& u kn0w, satuuu balaa' aruu lepass!!! we just had 0ur presentati0n for 0ur creativity pr0j!!! && its a success!!! bt i think i w0nt ace my creativity this sem.. :((

i skippd a l0t 0f class && lec this sem!!!haiisshh..kinda regret it n0w..

i thinkk my attendance-20%, i got 0!!!

u knw y D..? c0z everytime we 'cab0tt' our class, tcher will deductt 10% from our 20%, s0 just think ab0ut it huh, i 'cabott' like 8-9 times already..hmmphh..dont even need a calculat0r..hahs..

yaya!!! w0t happen t0 y0u this semm..???

hmmpphh..letss C..

im very busy these past few days..

i've like

-a minipr0j, for my programming..its 0ur final sem proj && its a big one!! if i flunked this one- i 0fficially fail this m0dule..'ve to retake it next sem..&& i've to rush it 0ut-

as-usual-a-last-min-girl-i-am..

've to present it to teacher next tues..haiishh =_=''

-PCB-prototyping, a pr0j t00..bt g0nna d0 it 0nly t0m0r0.. as in only Start d0ing it t0m0r0 -_-''

ape nak jadie!!!yaya!!!

-my elective pr0j..its a gr0up pr0j by the way, && im in Thinking Skills && pr0blem s0lving.. im just l0ikke a sleeping partner, didnt evenn inv0lve in this 0ne..haiishh, i just nt g00d in teamw0rkk..ahhs~Bt WTHH huhh D..d0nt even care t0 get inv0lve in..they're d0ing fine with0ut me btw..hahs.. =_=''

&& the last 0ne, the c0ming examination!! && yeahh, this is the biggestt && kepale bapakk && datokk for all the pr0blems 0f all..

*W0t t0king y0u,yaya?*

h0w i wisshh, my elective teach me h0w t0 s0lve this pr0blem 0f mine,yeahh~

~MY MOON BELONGS TO YOUR SUN..~

2010-01-16T23:09:00.000-08:00

~*~i just wanna recognise ur beauty is not just a mask~*~

D, it seems that all my friends are giving Up,

they all seems to give Up with this Life..Whats up with that..?

D, is it Okay..to just gave up && lay back, just watch as the stars collide infr0nt 0f y0u..&& d0 n0thing at all..

D, h0w can??whres the will && strength t0 g0 0n with this life?

where d0es it lead to??where will it lead us to??!! d???!!

D.. i'd a huge fight, with Bernie..

my p0ly friend..

to me, as a matter 0f fact, im not in the wr0ng, at all!

im inn0cent, trapped in a situation that points me as a culprit, sandwiched between friends..which way to go..?

where can i g0..?

s0 i'll go my 0wn way..

D, ya know, its not eg0-istic 0r eg0-centric 0r anything like that..

bt this situation, -unreasonable!

-childisshh!

- &&& so un-logical!

=bullshit.. what's upp with that??!!

thts the why..haiisshh -_-''

hmm, enough bout that, dnt wanna cuss so much in my blog..

ya kn0w D, humans are all so untrust-w0rthy..

i just can trust them n0 m0re..

Sin is a tool, && lies is the handle that holds them all in~

ya kn0w, the terms 'whiteLies'?

its the worst kind of lies~

&& yet, it was t0ld s0 0ften, that pe0ple believes that its definitely 0k && n0rmal, t0 d0 that..

hw can it be 0k???!!! its still a lie, damnit!

~YOUR HOPES, YOU DRREAMS.. YOUR EVERYTHING..~

2010-01-11T07:51:00.000-08:00

~*~

WHY ARE WE SO AMBITIOUS, IN THIS WORLD THAT IS SO VICIOUS..

IM JUST LOOKING FOR AN ANSWER, IN A WORLD THAT ANSWERS NONE OF THEM AT ALL..

~*~

O i w0nder, is there s0mebody who stills believes in love?

hmm, its just so hard to just keep believing in something than seems non-existant..

Bt D.. yesterday, somehow, Lala suddenly text me s0mething Em0-ish..

&& yea rite, she called me Emo..wth -_-''

she seems like giving up on life..

too many just too many problems..

life is nothing bt problems right D?

thats what u ever told me..

its killing you, just to breathe..

All of our problems, burdens In Life will only dissapear, when we breath our last..

thats what you told me right..?

Lala told me that i've a very sweet life, a loving && caring family.. && she'd none of that, For 17 years, she'd lived this life without love from her family.. A place she called home, bt is nothing bt only walls,that can keep her safe from burglars, rooftops, that can only keep her from the scorching sun && rains.. bt what she needs, she really-really needs..is nowhere to be found in that 'home'..

she told me that im very fortunate..

all this life, she've been frantically looking for, searching for, even a glimpse of love, she can get..bt she gets nothing at all..

im very lucky right D..?

Bt D, can someone love..? feels fortunate that she's been loved..? when she didnt believe in it..? can that LOVE reach her heart, when her heart is nothing bt an empty shell, that is void of love..?

sometimes right D, someone can be very desperate-in search of True Love.. && they will feel very content && will desperately hang on to some temporary shelters that will only crushed them && left them all tattered && torn with damaged hearts that will took them their whole life to heal it..

This is a Sad Sad life, Right D?

~HMM..I GUESS ITS TOO LATE FOR ME TO WISH U GUYS HAPPPPY NEWWWW YEAR!!!:))

2010-01-10T05:12:00.000-08:00

~Is there s0meb0dy, wh0 stills believes in l0ve..?~

ahhh, its been a l0ng time huhh D?

hehs..:))

well, hell0!

hmm..im s0 s0 stressSsSsSs rite now!!!

urgghhh, ever-piling pr0jects!!! + the c0ming lab test = MADNESS!!

wahahahs:))

im scared, my brain cant take the stress && damage into nothingness..

&& tadah! Brainless Yayayaya..~

ughhh, when the stress is piling up, i almost forgot engliss..wahahas -_-''

yea rite, wth..?

hmm, bt im really scared D, these things, all these things is all new to me, my parents hope, Dreams && everything , i carry them on my shoulder..

u know, the last time, if i messed up, at my last school..its kinda ok, ya know, mayb, cos the fees is not that high..nt that expensive ya know, bt this time, if i messed up, OMGOMGOMG!! wow! ya know, with greater achievement we've,there's always comes a bigger responsibility, with every age we live..as long as the clock is ticking, the time is moving forward.. there's always time i fell down, i fell down so hard.. so hard, i feel like i cant get back up, && at that time i thinks about giving up..

bt then i remember, that's not how im raised, umie never teaches me about giving up..i used to look up to that love..i look up to umie && aba, no matter how sad or disheartened i am to this vicious world, whenever i'm reminded that whenever i'll going home to umie && aba, it perks me up..cheer me up instantly..

ya know D, i always, always pray that they wont leave..~

~HE ATE MY HEART~

2009-12-21T08:06:00.000-08:00

Msn-ing with iqah..

hahs..den she told me its been a long tyme since..

ya horr...

i totally forgot!!

wahahas..u've been forgotten..wht telah happen,D?

well,its scary.. huh..

whn i realise tht our memory is fading...

i cnt even remember ur face tht much anymore..

its been like what..?2 yrs already huh,D..

well..

niwei...i'd a lot of fun web-cam-ing with iqahh n nad!!!

misshhh them so muchhh!!!

~lalalalalallala~

2009-11-25T03:32:00.000-08:00

heys D! hehes:))

well,apparently, just finished watching 'triangle' movie..

wow!!! at first i thought the movie could be a decent one!!

bt actually, its great!!!mind-****ing great dude!!!hehs:))

hahahahs...well,actually today itself is-not-so-great day..

idk why D..it just that,im laughing,giggling..bt i didnt really had fun,today..

sometimes right D, i dont know what i wants in life..

&& yeah, today, im tired..

again..im always tired,idk know why..

well, D..i've been having gastric pains, again..

its been a long time since i'd one ya know..

well,it was like what, 2,3 years already..

bt Darn! its really hurts sia..

it hurts till i puke..vomits i mean..

&& its getting nastier by days..

no breakfast=gastric pain

late lunch=gastric pain

late dinner=gastric pain

late supper=gastric pain!

well, duhh~hahahs:))

what, now even my stomach wanna discipline me about punctuality && stuff??what the heck!!??

i'd enough of U-controlling-my-life stuff, come one..??

who's in control right now..

i really dont need people telling me what to do..

haiisshh..well O well..

this is life i guess..

anyway, D, last night, i've this lamest dream in my life!

its very lame ya know..

i dreamt, im at the bus stop,board a bus,forgotten what's the bus number,&& i tap my ez-link card bt a beep is heard,well,its to tell people that they'd to top-up their card..so that was all!

yada~that was all!!that's my dream!!

how lame can it be D!!??

&& it can really be bizarre like im on top of a tower,a very tall tower, && i jumped off..what the heck!!??

hahs..yeah..bt D, my imagination can be very over-exagerated,there's a time,im at the bus-stop,waiting for my bus,minding my own business,&& then i saw a very big dog coming my way,towards me, a dog, a 'najis mughollazah' coming towards me!!!so i said to myself, if the dog comes any nearer, like one foot away from me, i'll kick it so hard && when its bounce back,laying unconcious beneath me, i'll stomp on it so hard that its head will crush underneath me, its eyes probably will sprung out from its eye-socket && it'll probably be a bloodbath && bloods flowing out from its body && my feet will stain with its blood..&& then the owner probably will look at me unbelieve-ably,eyes wide open,jaws wide open too..&& maybe there'll be tears flowing down her chin..then she'll like break down in front of me..crying for her lost..

then after that,i'll be on my way to the police,for murdering-intentionally a dog,probably a bitch..coz we'll never know the gender of that thing..untill unless mayb u're dog specialist..?hahs..

then i cant go to jail-underage,so maybe i'll be sent to the girls home..bt i killed a dog right..??nt some human-being so my mistake is not that huge, so maybe,i'll just be under probation or something..then the next thing is, i saw that dog walk pass by me,serenely..&& yeah, PAAP!!im back, to this world..

&& wow!!!what a wild imagination!!hahs:))

DAMN,WIRE-WRAPPING SUCKS BIG TIME!!IM FREAKING HATE IT!!!

2009-11-11T09:38:00.000-08:00

damn it, D! walliou!!haiishh..

im damn tired sia, can life be this tiring..

its been a long time since i've a long deep && late slip..haishh..im a darn late waker ya know..

my average waking time is 2 pm!

bt haish..:((

ya know, my sis just told me a bitter truth..

she said,i've to cut down drinking green tea coz it contains some chemical that kills a certain cells in my body && its like a slow death..

bt ya know,i'll die without greentea,instantly!

so how..?a slowdeath or an instant one..?hahahs:))

anyway..

im out 24/7..

wk days, im schling, wk ends, working!

wow!!

cant believe it myself!

im this hardwrking maa?

bt the economy financial force me to this..

cnt believe it affects my family, darn! it affects everyone!

&& D, hw can i ever be happy,this way..?

hahas..yeah,whatever..right..

is living this life,its purpose is to be happy?

ya know,the differences between u && me?

i've a purpose of life..i've a reason to be living here,in this world..

the sole reason/purpose of my existance here..

u kept telling me, that the purpose of ur life is hard to find..

bt mine,its crystal clear..

bt ya know my problem is..?

i keep denying it,ignoring it && forgetting it..

&& sometimes, i hesitates against it!masyalaa..

bt ya know, its like this everytime,everytime when i like wanna overstep a certain boundaries,the 'yellow-line', there'll be something pulling me back && guess what it is,D?

3 lil words,'A-B-A'..

its like his word drilled in my mind && etched in my heart sia..hahas:))

i dont know why,bt everyday when before im going to schl or work,he'll always without fail remind me of Him..&& even there's one time,i'd 'pajamas party' at Lala's house, && crashed there, he gimme a wake-up call to perform my morning prayer..

ya know, all this life,he's always been there for me..ya know D,

i've always been surrounded by my family..they're always there ya know..

when i wake-up every morning,

when i come home after a tedious day at schl/work..

when i lazing around at home..

how can i ever live without them, D..

the day,they're gone,so do i..:))

an empty shell i'll become..

they're my hands,

my legs,

my heart..

&& my life..

they're not a part of me..

but the whole lot of me..

~*~

THE LAST MINUTE GIRL I AM~

2009-11-05T06:51:00.000-08:00

haisshh..Im so stress!!!Guess what D, sometimes i think im so clever i simply amaze myself!!!hahaha~

tomorrow, we're having maths quiz, && yea right, i havent even starts anything yet~

&& dont 'pandang hine' at this quizs, it actually contribute up to 20% to our Grades at the end of our sem! wow!! it can really pull me down sia, if i ever Goofy-ing around!

&& D, just now, out of nowhere Cherry cried..&& like a stupiiid idiot,i just look at her..dont know what to do..

she cried bitterly && pitifully..~

i really dont know what to do in a situation like that..-_-"

&& D, i think right my memory is failing me~

i once had this great memory ya know, i can remember things easily && it'll last like what, forever..bt now..i forgets things easily && sometimes i've to jot it down..'Alamak!!kecikk2 da nyanyok!!??'

~SOMETIMES,IM JUST TOO TIRED..I CANT BE BOTHERED ANYMORE..

2009-10-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

"LEAVE ME ALONE", "YOU ARE ALREADY ALONE.."

Uwaah!! so so tired sia..hahas..dOnt know why..having a bad flu!!
sial laa..haiishh..well, FYI, schl reOpens already!! its been a wk since..
its not that im lazy or something but, damn it! im busy sia..
haissh.. dont know why..
im freaking hate schl, && its official!!
i hate my elective!! Damn it!!
its not that i chose it anyways, but i thought mayb i would come to like it ya know,in times..bt..its only been a wk, so mayb, give it some time ya, yaya..
anyways D, U ever told me that, all ppl are bound to change right?
one of my friend, told me that im changed.. -_-''
is it..? i dont feel anything..bt D, if im changed..im not me anymore right..? im the totally another person, its like im looking at a familiar face in the mirror but she's a stranger..

&&Guess what D, just know i just had an earful from Aba..

"tuulaa, baek sngt!" i know you've said that, if you're here..

hmmphh!

actually, alot of things have happened..untill i dont know where to start!

i wanna tell you alot of things..sometimes, when i wanna tell you..i felt like rushing to my lappy && tell you all those stuff bt i cnt be bothered..hahas..so i saved it,making sure i make a mental note of it,bt when the time comes,it dissapeared!

actually D, im very tired now..&& there's a lot of things going on in my mind that i cnt slip..bt i dont know what it is..

D, ya know..sometimes when you're too tired, from a whole day at schl && when you come back home expecting peace && quiet bt there you're,standing infront of someone that keep babbling on && on..hw do u feel sia? i felt like i wanna explode!! shitdamnit sial!

haisshh..:((

i know already..u dont have to repeat ur words right?

hmm..enough of that, there's something else i wanna tell you, hahs!are all guys stuuuupiiiiiiiid!!!they totally pisssed me off sia..

&& D, how is it feels, to be used by someone..

Does it hurts?

THE TRAGEDY, IT SEEMS NEVER ENDING..

2009-10-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

D,it seems like its getting harder to believe..in anything..evrything seems to fade in time..mayb im just getting lost in my selfish thought..but D,i wanna know what its like..to really be loved by anybody..they really loves us for what we are,not who we are..is such love really exist..it seems that they're nonexistant.

Just now is my sayu-est moment..i sent off two of my friends at the airport..these two friend of mine has always been with me since P1,ya know..&& like almost all of my friends cried..

But D, i felt sad too..but i dont know why, i just cant cry..my tears just didnt wanna rolls off my cheek..its just like the day my grandma die..i felt a loss but i didnt cried that day..or the day after that.. Fiz said i didnt have any feelings-unemotional..but they kept calling me Emo..hahs

yeah.wth.

D, actually i envied them..ya know, they know what they wants in this life && they're not scared to persue them.. they can go as far as to leave all their loved ones to be able to reach their heart desires && dreams..im not like them,ya know..i dont know what i want && always wanted..&& i always,always do things half-hearted && if it requires sacrifices..i'll let it go or just simply forget it! im too scared to let go of some things becouse i dont wanna lose them while im on it..hahs..

so i dont really know what life is actually..

mayb i'll just be here forever,talking to you..under the safe zone with umi..someone with drives is really something,right D?

NOW, IM BOUND TO THE LIFE YOU'D LEFT BEHIND.

2009-10-15T02:58:00.000-07:00

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave

Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~

LOOK AT ME, && TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE?

2009-10-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

Im not gonna live forever, but im gonna fly straight to the sky && light it up like the mighty sun!

hahs..yeah whatever~~

hmm..D, guess what? just now i deleted all SSss's text mxges..

he's getting engaged soon :((

..&& guess what?

i didnt know it from his mouth, bt other's..

we've been contacting each other from we're in P6 till now, bt he never mentioned it, not even once..

you know D, i've always been there for him, always..from he's single && keep on changing his Gf..till now..

im kinda pissed when he do this to me..

&& when i asked him this..ya know what his reply..

"yaya, are u angry?"

Wth!!?? im angry, for what sial?

hahs..im pissed && hopping mad!

well..idk..are all guys are so fickle-minded..?

well D,i've ever liked him,ya know..

&& i told him, that i liked him bt it just that i wanted him to atleast know..

he told me that he likes me too, bt as a lil sis..

hahs..wth..yeah he's older than me && so on..

bt he wanted to keep in touch..always contacting each other..bt at the same time, he keeps on confessing to me that he misses me && loves me..

i didnt really take it seriously becouse at that time, he's attached..

bt at a corner of my heart,im happy!

i know, im so naive! hahs..

bt i do really like him! he's so mean, right D?

you know, becouse of him..everytime a guy confess, i didnt really take it seriously..i'll be like, 'wth,is he serious? or is it some kinda joke?'

i didnt really believe in ever-lasting love..i've ever told you that, right D?

bt im hoping it to atleast happens once in my life

~*~*~*~

WHEN THIS HEART BEATS IT'S LAST,MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL DIES OUT

2009-10-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

hmmmphht! just now, i came in late for work!!

why?

becouse of A!!

what happen?

hahs..well, its kinda my fault too..i met her, becouse i clock in at 3 so we met beforehand, to puff && to take something from her..

hahas..yeah..

she's addicted.i influenced her.yippee.

'sesat lagikk menyesatkan!'

hahas. you know D, i've started this since im in primary six.

no comment.

haizz..but D,life's too short to not do this && do that.

you're a living/dead example.

its too soon,just too early..right?

well,putting that aside.. you know D..

its been a long while right..? since i'm own by anyone but i prefer it this way.. :))

haizz..a few more weeks, im back to school!! arggh!! F*** that place..

issyy!! astaghfirulla..

'tak btol yaya nie ekk, da maki abeh sebot name Allah'

issyy.. better than nothing but i feels that i need to let it out..

hmm..my brain are bound to suffer in that place..sorry,brain..

gomenne!

just thinking bout it,makes me suffer enough already!

hmm..bt then, its nobody fault..

its MINE!!MINE ALONE!!

why?

becouse i was the one who wants to continue in that place..but D, its only becouse i wanna escape..

from where?

career's life..

i dont wanna work now.. i just feels that im not ready,yet..

but i dont know when the hell im gonna be ready.. in like what? 10 years??20 years??

but right now, im working..

D, its hard, so hard that its painful..

the pressure,the environment..

tired too, i think i've lost a lot of weight..oh yeah?hmmpphht!

poly, its like my route to escape, it came by && i grabbed it without realising that its actually a commitment! how i hate it, to commit to anything && anyonne!

but without noticing it, harsh.

now, i cant go back. but im gonna move forward, im not a skipper nor a coward.

IM DEPRESSED~

2009-09-29T05:19:00.001-07:00

D,im truly really depressed

idk

Did i do something wrong just now?or is something's gonna happen after this?or is it,me?

my heart is just so heavy as if something humongous is on top of it && there's a lump in my throat..

D, actually there's someone very very nice with me now..he's a very very nice guy.. he's always with me,looking out for me.. && whenever im feeling lonely && empty, i would call him to fills in the void.. bcoz somehow my heart && mind truly understands that you're no longer with me now, they began to erase && seal you away.. but D, somehow, this feels aint right.. i feel like im using him && take him as ur substitute.. but i know, deep down,he can never replace you..

im feeling confuse now, D..im scared if he gave up on me, coz im not letting you Go.. if he walks away..But D, i still cant let you go.. you're so important to me,D..

WE'RE TOO FAR OUT TO TURN BACK..

2009-09-27T03:03:00.000-07:00

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I whisper to the moon

return back to me

my companion

my love

my heaven

O moon,dont let day come

let this World be in twilight,Forever

let it be engulfs in loneliness

Loneliness, just like me

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

IM SO SICK && TIRED OF YOU..WAHAHAHAHA!!

2009-09-22T03:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes,its better off this way right D?

not knowing anything..or didnt wanna know..sometimes i try to live up to the expectations of others && so i dont let them down,but at the same time i lose the space to enjoy what i do, whether it work or study..its always the case..

D..feel my heart,its broken..

:'((

lets forget about that..remember what you say D?when you're sad or deep in sorrowness,think about something you can smile while reminscing bout it..

you know D,today is the most productive day of my life!!we cover 10 house in a day!!damn it!!10 house!!wow..&& let me tell you 'kay,in case you misunderstood..we dont ride car or motorbikes 'kay..we go to the all houses mostly by buses; public buses..&& yeah..taxis too..hahas..

its great, yeah..somehow today i got talkative, too talkative i mean..i talked && talked && talked all the way!too enthusiast, meeting all my friends and all...damn!i miss them all very much..&& yeah!!miss you too D..eventhough you're not my wak tanjong's friend..but miss you the most..

aww.got touchy.again.

yeah..&& guess what happen just now..we're supposed to meet at 10 but i woke up at 10.20!!yupp.janji melayu.

&& reached there,at A's house at 11.15..damn!!fast right!!hahas..

yupp.mandi kerbau. hahas.

yeahh..&& guess what D? A hasnt even get ready yet!! she's the one who gave me a wake up call!! damn!!

yupp. she's a mak nenek.

haiishh..so we were stranded there, till what? 12.30?

hahs..so much-for-going-off-early-so-we-can-cover-more-houses..

but then,yeah! we'd fun! so much fun!

&& its not that bad right?10 houses in a day! :))

then today for the first time..i officially do it with A!

ahh..so horny but nope! its not what you think..im not lesshh..hahas:))

well..&& its official D! i've more fun with them than im with them..hahas..if you know what i mean..i dont wanna hurt anybody's feeling in my blog..

no offense.ouch.

bwahahaha..now i think of it..nobody's reading! its a sad sad reality!!

im so so sad..but you know D, it got its advantages..i can cuss as much as i can!!yeayy!!fuckufuckufucku!!bwahahahaha!!

issyy!!astaghfirullah..:))

but you know D..talking bout feeling sad(im not sad actually but it gives me an emo feel when i said it.its fun.)

i remembers my conversation with kakFaz..

she ever told me this when i whine to her.i moan.

hahs..very funny..

i said

"kak..why is this life so hard,so difficult..everything is just so complicated && complex.."

she replied

"what's so difficult,yaya?no,its not difficult.not difficult at all.its easy.plain easy.exams difficult?study..its easy.

work difficult? work harder && find solutions && ways to make it easy.or better yet,quit.its easy.

eating difficult?Fast.its easy.

why is it so difficult? its easy,Yaya.

if you cannot make a decision, ask Him.

if you dont get what you want,after you work for it,ask Him.

he'll light the way you're heading Yaya.."

after hearing this,i realised D..

this World is so simple..after a few years living,we'll all die..return to where we truly belong,but Men make it so complex.

im scared D, to go Home..im scared that im not truly ready yet.

To face Him.My Master. yeah.im just a slave.

but D,its easy..just get ready,right?

but to tell you the truth..its not easy..

omgomgomg..

cant resist the temptations..

haisshh..so it is difficult, right D?

now im confused..haiishh..-_-''

D, SOMETIMES..I WANNA GO HOME SO MUCH,THAT I BLEED..

2009-09-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

When we're walking hand in hand,out of nowhere, D, you let go of my hand && just walk away,without even looking back to give me your last smile..

D! its hari raya already..its too fast D..

i didnt even realised, && without me realising, i just came back from visiting my relatives && feeling dead tired..

Last night, i heard the azan raye @ geylang..Surau..

Syahduu sngt D!

i didnt know why Or maybe, perhaps, all my friends are right..im emo..i felt touchy when i heard it..menusukk kalbuu siyot!

you know D, even though its soo damn tiring working at the bazaar..i've made a lot of good memories there..i've started working there since im 11!its like my second home, my humble abode!im more familiar with geylang than pasir ris-my real home..

you know D, my school is around there-&& i schooled there for 10 years!!

Wow!! how time flies ekk?

omg..-_-''

D, sometimes i just wished that im just a plain o'l plant-a flower..

a lily, or perhaps tulips?

this life is so tiring && boring..

i know i know..being a plant is more boring && whats more-cant move around! but its not tiring, && its quite interesting..just sitting there..watch as this world deteriorates && watch human behaviour..watch them as the frantically running for their heart desires but in the end, they are all-wasted.

well, maybe being a plant is so boring..lets change plans..

i wish i was a bird?yeahh a bird!!

being a bird is more fun!right D?

OKK..they eat worms, YUCCKKY!!PHHLEGH!!

lets put the nasty part aside,alright?

but being a bird..i can fly!!

fly=freedom!!

peeple would pay anything && even with their life for this freedom..they'll be just like a mannequin && puppet if their freedom is snatched away..i'll die,i swear, if that happens to me.

Sometimes, its better to view things from far away-they tends to look more beautiful that way..For example, this planet Earth, from camera, Far far away..it looks so beautiful!!so wonderful!!lonely blue&white planet..but the nearer you are-looking at it from its surface..you'll realise that this planet is already ruined && wrecked..

Or looking at a big happy family having their dinner happily but actually they are just putting a facade..a fake smile && happy atmosphere..

&& sometimes D, i just wished i was a horse..to be able to run against time..the feeling must be so amazing Right?

But righht now..just have to move on..Right D?

SOMETIMES, ITS JUST NOT MEANT TO BE..

2009-09-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

D, heys!hehe:))

its 3 o'clock in the morning..somehow,im feeling pretty hype right now..Dont know why..hahas

Tomorrow, i'll be working as usual..haiishh..just thinking of it, makes me feel kinda tired..its really tiring, ya know..

its not like school,where we mostly feel tired mentally..

but working, its different..physically straining..&& its damn hot && plus im fasting!

OMGOMGOMG!!

only God knows how it feels..&& my fasting fellow muslims..

its kinda sad ya know..Out of thousands, ten of thousands, malay out there..those who fasting can be count by fingers..kinda feels sad && feels a lil bit jealous..hahas:))

i dont care anyway && dont mind..im not a good eater by the way..

Anyway D, im addicted, officially..Damnit!

dont know how i became like this..My mum never teach me to do this..Shhaisee!

well, cant blame her..but can only blame myself, to easily succumb to temptation && curiosity..but i've started this since i was 9..

STOP for awhile, then started back when i was 12..Till now..

Shaiissee..Damnit..

but must slow it down..Right?

Anyway D,Nights of possible Lailatul Qadr had already started..(ten nights before Hari Raya).. but it seems, again, i cant perform my night prayer..haiisshh..im working..Duhh~

but its not an excuse right?

i really wanna do it, ya know..

i've a lot to ask..

ask for forgiveness..

my parent's long lives && healthy body && mind..

ALOT!!

but D, am i Fit to do that??do i have the right to do that??good enough to do that??

im sooo not a good muslimah..always so ignorance && oblivious to the Islamic values && teachings..never be a bit obedient..

i'll always compare myself with all the delinquents malays out there..instead of comparing me with the pious muslimahs..

always telling myself, "alaaa..budak-budakk kat luar tuu lagiik terok..daya nie kire Ok laa..kan?" then i'll answer back.." Ok la..."

You know D, im injecting all these to ease my mind && comfort myself that its Ok,whereas, its Not Ok..at all, i know this at the back of my mind..its just that im in denial all this time..bt i know, i really really know it..

haiishh..i'll always tell myself that im far too young..

but im a matured already, i know what is right && what is wrong..

it just whether im facing it-my responsibility

Or im running away, From it..

~*~

IM ADDICTED, IM HOOKED..OMG!!

2009-09-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

Haisshh, damn it! D..

so sorry for not talking with you for soo long..

im CRUSSSHED!!TOO DARN TIRED TO EVEN BREATHE..

HAIISSHH..kinda regretting of it, you know..

for saying 'yes' when aba asked me to help my uncle at the BAZAAr..

huuhuu:((

hmm..cnt back off now ya know..

i need the money!haiishh..

big plan i've ahead..

chalet+BBQ+shopping+watch TONNES of movies!!

actually not really looking forward to the stuupid chalet..

im not really into those kinda things..

im anti-soSIAL!hahahs:))

i'll go, i think..

just to while away my time..

should i look for a job,instead? d?

haizz..it seems i just cnt blend in with them ya know..

i feel like ditching the chalet thingyy..

haiishh..D..ya know, ive been feeling light-headed..it seems, something missing in my life..just what is it D?

hmmpphht..

no matter how many times i asked you..i feel that im bound to receive no answer, my whole life..hahas!!:))

Like Duuh~

you know D..Ana ever told me that its Ok to fall in love with a girl..&& somehow,somewhere deep inside me,i felt relieved, ewww!!hmmpphht!!

-_-''

But, D..what if God created us like that?

Designed us, NONO, THEM, the girls to like other girls..

the feelings are mutual..

well..only God knows, right..

i hope im not one of them..bt now, i know that one of my friend is a lesbian..well, its courageous of her to tell me..i feel like avoiding her,actually..but it'll be mean of me,right d?

its true you know D..

you ever told me that If God present us with difficulties && path with full of torns && obstacles, it will never to make us falls

&& stuck with path of no go ahead && no return..

He will never lead us to 30th storey building with no staircase,escalators or lifts && leave us there with only an open-window..

If He ever do that, he'll leave us with a pair of wings..

to fly..&& return home..

Oo..God is Great..

Only in moment of difficulties we ever think of him..

how ungrateful of us,right?

D, sometimes i think of myself of too old-fashioned,

too old-mind-thinking..having these kind of thoughts..

but, in moment of jolly-folly, im scared- of myself..

too indulge in these temporary beings && things..i dont wanna forget,my sole purpose of existance..bt if i ever, in a milisecond thinks of my reason,im too scared that i'll lose a milisecond of FUN..entertainment..

im bad right D?

Bt D,

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Real freedom is being free from Fear..

Only being freed from this will you live a dignified human life..

haisshh..

im scared to do, scared to be,

im even scared to live..

thats why i enjoyed being in the safe zone of comfort..

i should break out from this! yeaah!! chaiiyo!!

:))

well now, its 3.30 AM..

tomorrow..angon saho..then tdo kejap..

lpas tuu kenekk pii keje..

haiishh..macam nak MC g2!!hehe:))

D, GET USED TO IT~

2009-08-30T09:38:00.001-07:00

D, guess what?

Again its in the middle of the night, && im trying as hard as i can not to remember, but to understand my module..WTH!!!

It seems we're talking a different language here!!

i really really cant understand a thing here..

~D, its pitch dark, my future..-_-"

hahaha..Yaya, again you're exagerating!

ARGGHH!!sshaaiisse...

but i reaally reaally dont wanna repeat my module..

ohh programming..why are you making my life hell?haiiss..

0kay..lets change the subject right D?

you ever told me that, in the moment of stress or life && death, think about something sweet && joyfull! it'll take the hell out of burden out of you!well, lets see..lets talk about what happen today!

today is the most unproductive day-as usual!

i woke up at 3pm! then i took a bath, follow my mum to my cousin's house..she's selling jalabaya- Jubah+abaya.. its damn-drop-dead beautiful!!gorgeous!! all so beautiful!! i am so in love in jalabaya!! but then, hehehe, of course, expensive!! the one i like cost $180! OMGOMGOMG!

its so out of budget! shhaissee!!-_-''

then my umi said she'll try slow-talk my aba..hehehe..

hope i'll own it-soon!

:))

then we stayed there till around 6pm..then my mum said she in need of some eggs && some of the kitchen supplies..so we walk to shopNsave..(yeahh, we save a lot!!)i'd rather shop at Shengsiong bt then the difference is only a few cents bt i've to walk like a few miles! i just hate shopping especially at the wet markets!OMG!!

bt then i cant just let her go alone..so unfillial of me right..

&& by the time i reached home, i was so so tired and super hungry!! && the good news is- a few minutes to azan!!yeayy!! super happy..

&& my mum cook super special Roti john with cheese-LOTS && LOTS OF CHEESE!!&& chinese fried rice&& jempot-jempot pisang!!

damn.. i ate all!!&& alot!!hahaha:))

i just so in love at buke pat umah..heavenly!hehe

D, a week of ramadan has passed, it feels so nostalgic somehow..&& kinda sad..always around this time-few years back,i'll be at the bazaar ramadan-tending my uncle's shop Or at school,fasting together with all my muslims friend Or even at the toilet, sneaking-eating without my parent's knowledge!haha..so childish! ;p

somehow, i missed all my MWTI-ans friends..even though some of them are not so close with me, i miss them too!

you know D, i dont make friends easily..

im a very shy && easily feels embarrased kinda person..&& if i really make a small group of friends, i'll really appreciate and values them!

&& somehow some of them misunderstood me && thinks that im a lesbian!how naive && shallow.. haiisshh..

but then, a really kind girl gets easily misunderstood,right?

:))

AHH..REAALLY NERVOUSE RIGHT NOW,HOPE THE BUTTERFLY WILL FLY AWAY..

2009-08-30T06:12:00.000-07:00

TOMORROW, I'VE PROGRAMMING EXAM!!

im scared as shit!!

ahh!!shaisse!!

0 G0d, please help me get gd marks!!

pls 0 pls!!

-_-

I NEED TO BE ABLE TO THINK CAREFULLY, I'D WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG && NOW,IM CONFUSED..

2009-08-29T00:38:00.000-07:00

Well, To tell you the truth D..Right now im PISSED OFF!!!

-_-''

Well just now, i called my sis 100 times!!!more than that i think,we're supposed to meet && how the hell are we going to meet if she's not gonna pick up her cell?!!! Just throw away that damn cell if you're not gonna pick up calls!! Shhaiisshhe!!

0k0k..now feels so much better..&& now im at home sweating like what Becouse we're suppose to meet, buke pose sesame..as a family..

&& i'll have to wait for naima,she's having her nap..hmmphhtt!

well well..whatever~

&& guess what D?

"Faking a smile when you're at the verge of crying && sympathise at someone who shows their emotion.."

sweet huh?hehes..

well anyway, D?

~*~*~

~*~

do you know the story about the seagull and the mouse?

okay..here goes..

~*~A seagull was flying over a beach, when it saw a mouse.It flew down && asked the mouse:"Where are your wings?"

Each animal speak its own language, && so the mouse didnt understand the question, but stared at the two strange, large things attached to the other creature's body.

"it must have some illness,"thought the mouse.

The seagull noticed the mouse staring at its wings and thought:"Poor thing. It must have been attacked by monsters that left it deaf && took away its wings."

Feeling sorry for the mouse, the seagull picked it up in its beak && took it for a ride in the skies."It probably homesick,"The seagull thought while they were flying.Then,very carefully, the seagull deposited the mouse once more on the ground.

After the seagull left, the mouse sunk in gloom && depression; it had known the heights && seen a vast and beautiful world.

However, in time, it grew accustomed to being just mouse && came to believe that a miracle had occured once in its life && it was nothing more but a wonderful dream.~*~

This was a story from my childhood.I've read it at the school library, im amazed at my super good memory. I still remembers it, anyway,of course this wasnt the exact story,somewhere along the lines, i may have deleted some portions or even there may be extras..hehe:))

NOW,IM INSOMNIAC..

2009-08-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

Tried as hard as i can..

to drift to ~LaLa Land..

but failed miserably..haaiisshh..i think my body has adapted For good..

Ahh shhaisse..~

-_-"

few more hours da kenekk sahurr..Bt tomoro's not schooling so i cann Ngorokk!!oh yeah!!!~

hmm..but H been scolding me, Again!

arrgh..he's much worse than a woman, nO, An Old lady..Old Fat Lady..hahahas:)) Take that! i wish you're reading this..You know who you are! hahas:))

well well well..bT i'll try to change kay?

But not now!! Still have 1005!!!

OMGOMGOMG!!

That module I suckks like hell!!

you know what i got for my common test?? FB!!

FB= FAILED BADLY!!!

rabakk siyahh!!

i know i know..i cant just double my effort to ace that module..i must triple no no no..hundreds time!!i dont care if after taking that module exam, i faint out of lack of sleep or vitamins or even malnutrition..

im gonna work so hard that i swear i'll look like a nerd!

bt who cares?i dont wanna retake any of my module!!!

just thinking of it makes me gonna cry..

but tears just wont come out..

am i out of tears??

o_O''

DROP EVERYTHING, FORGET EVERYONE && JUST GO..

2009-08-27T12:23:00.000-07:00

D,guess what?

its 3.30 in the morning..&& im frantically trying as hard as i can to remember everything..hahas..again,right?you must be bored as hell to this line,bt guess what?get immune to it as this is what i am..a-last minute-girl! you're gonna heard/read this everytime i've a test or exam..

poor D..hahahas:))

you know D?

just now,i read a manga..surprised?im a manga-freak!!i've never tell you coz i dont wanna you see me as a geek or something..i've an image to uphold ya know..so i dont go telling everybody that im a manga-freak!hehe

you're gone anyway..so i dont care anymore..actually im regretting it,ya know..before you leave,i wanna you know the real me..the actual me..but its too late now,right d?&& i'd always been saying i wanna leave no regrets..

you know,i'd always LOVE manga..i read it all the time..actually,i spent more than half of my monthly expenses on this kinda of thing.

actually im amused too,someone as cool as me is into this kinda thing..phlegh!-_-"

there is this saying in it that had set me thinking all this while..

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"You've no real love in you..In short,you're void of love..your heart is nothing but an empty shell && even if you search deep within your soul, you will find only 'nothingness' that will stay there filling the void within your heart.Even if one day you get married, its not becouse of love but out of Sympathy or Loneliness. Or simply becouse of your Ego-centricness && your pride coz you wanna show the whole world that you're beautiful and you're able to get yourself a man.Or even to make yourself feel better and to satisfy yourself && your pride.you'll never feel happy Becouse without you realising it,your heart had been dying, slowly..after he left you,for good."

Its true you know D, my sis ever told me this..

"when we love someone,Dont ever ever love them more than we love God..Becouse they're temporary But God is Permanent..&& if we love them with all our heart,we're bound to suffer in the End.."

keeping these in mind,thats why im here,D..im still alive && kicking..

But its empty,inside..

LIKE TEARDROPS IN THE RAINS,IM I SO INSIGNIFICANT?

2009-08-27T02:32:00.000-07:00

Hmm..heys..wasssup?-_-"

yahyah..right now,im super duper sleeepy..&& yeaah!!you're right okay..You're 100%,absolutely right..satisfied now?

you're right for scolding me coz right now im in the edge of life && death..im exhausted..my body is yet to adapt to this changes..not sleeping at all during the night then sleep like a log during the day,kinda reminds me of something..hahas..

:))

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Dark Side Of The Sun ;

One day,The Sun was asked, By the clouds that is constantly hovering, covering the suns glare,"arent you bored? you're burning yourself for these ungrateful humans whose constantly frantically running for their heart desires; Power,Fame,Money && Women..For million & million of years you're doing this but did they stop for even a milisecond to show their gratitudes or thanks?"

The sun smiled faintly and said "Do you know the story about the frog? The frog that is asked by her wife to stay && wait for her by the pond,

for days then weeks then months && even years,he waited && waited,the other frogs are amused by his loyalty but actually he had died the very first day becouse he can sensed that his wife had gone that very day too.My loyalty and love are like that too but far stronger and mightier,bt dont get me wrong,its not for them,the humans..no, its for my God.He had asked me to do this for all the Creatures he love && im gonna fulfill it till the day i draw my last,&& that day itself is the day where human kinds and all the creatures that belongs to my God cease to exist.."

//Well of Course this story is not true,its fiction..but i like the story line..

The frogs loyalty,even after it death,after reading this,i think i've better off adopt a pet!they are much loyal and faithful to us! hmmpht!!

IM TIRED OF COUNTING SHEEPS.NOW IM TOO TIRED TOO SLEEP...

2009-08-26T07:30:00.000-07:00

well D,i've lost interest in face-booking..dont know why but its started to boring me..just like what friendster did..

haiisshh..bt you know..theres nothing wrong with them,its me!the problem lies with me..

ever since lil,its really easy for me to lost interest in something && someone..i remembered once that aba had bought me this beautiful purple dress..bt i'd only wore it once..then i stop wearing it..

even all the toys,i only played it for some time..then i tossed it aside,Just becouse it borings me or its either i've found something new-far more interesting or i simply lost interest in them..

Becouse of me-my feelings towards things && people..

i've never believe in ever-lasting love..I dont know why but i cant simply digest the words && put it in my mind..my mind cant accept that..

it just hard to conceive it,bt weirdly..im not from a divorced family..but there are times i can see it in their eyes,they're bored with each other..&& you know..my Grandad had 4 wives!!to me if you loves a girl too many,its not love..its just about the sex appeal and the desire to posessed the woman,just the desire to have them..its not pure,mutual feelings && of course,its not love..For me,love is all about LOVING someone till the end..being there with them till one or the other breathe it last..so of course love didnt exist-in my context.

well,but my sis say..its either you didnt believe in love or boys..well,boys are indeed idiot beings bt u cant scold them-its in them,in their genes..they can do nothing bout it..pitifull,right?no..?

WHAT SIGNIFICANTS IS THERE TO LIVE ANYWAY..?

2009-08-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

D, it seems now im online-ing just to talk to you..i dont know where to go anyway..i'll while away my time watchiing Jdrama or Kdrama or manga or anime or even movies..bt it seems now,im too busy..so i'll wait till my last day of exams to resume back my fav past-time..Bt im not so obsessed into this ya know..

i've always like nature..my REALLY fav past-time is sunset watching,watching the waves by the beach,star gazing etc..some people find it a waste of time..bt Not me,NU-UH..

but on the other hand,i've find it worth-whiling away my precious time.. i'd rather do all that than watching TV,always the same-Reruns of all the old films,movies && dramas..<--now this is a waste of times..

I've done a lot of times ya know..Star gazing..everytime i went to East Coast..i'll do this..For hours && hours i'll lie down on the sands and Gaze at the lovely stars.. i've love the tranquility && the silent..its like a place && time for me to relax..&& when i do this..for a split-second,im free from the stress,responsibilities && all the burdens..i feel like a small child again.. D,a lot of things is whirring in my mind now..it felt like theres a lot of knots entangled inside me.. && everything i do, it seems i never done enough..it was never && will never be enough.

i've been studying the whole night but it seems my mind, my soul is elsewhere..&& when i realised that i've been daydreaming..i felt empty && tried my best to concentrate but failed miserably..what should i do..?D? it seems theres a lot of things in my mind..i've been deep in thought lately..thinking about a lot of things..Unimportant things..&& vitals..

i think i need a pschoanalysis...

2009-08-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~

Every colour has a purpose,although most people would think they're chosen at random...

White signify purity and integrity.

Black intimidates.

Red shocks and paralyzes.

Yellow attracts attention.

Green calms everything down and gives things the go ahead.

Blue soothes.

orange confuses.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

heys D..its 2AM bt i cant sleep..anyway, i just finished reading Paulo Coelho's "The Winner Stands Alone"..i'd always love his books!&& of course this one too..But im feeling a bit confused now..

Do you know what he says?he kinda described that someone, an adult or a teenager,Someone who's able to differentiate right from wrong..

THAT someone..if he/she cant let go of something that they've lost..

they are mentally inbalanced..O_O!

but to me,letting go means forgetting..i dont want to forget..yet..

not willing to..niwei..i like the way i am now..

anyway..its kinda sad right..now only i've realised that no ones gonna read my post..hahas..D, actually i dont mind..it just kinda sad when i heard it from someone else mouth..hahas..my sis is so mean!!hahas:))

hmm..anyway..now only i've known that polices are so useless && incompetent!! So CSI are nothing but a bunch of lies!!!

wow!!i felt indignant somehow!!haisshh..kinda felt betrayed too.. when i told my sis..you know what she says?

"are you an idiot? you believed all that crap??" She's so mean && vicious!!!she kinda made me look like an idiot,really!!

so,mark my words..this World is not as beautiful as it seems..but then again,if you cant appreciate this beauty..you'll only see this universe in black and white..

D,TAKE MY PAIN AWAY..EVEN JUST A LIL..

2009-08-25T03:33:00.000-07:00

hahas..im so tired..

mentally && physically..

guess what d..

just now i woke up at 4pm!!!

crazy or what..??

im shocked!myself..

&& tomorrow..i've my analog exams..

wow!!rabakk giler sey!!

running out of time sey!!!

today i can sleep no more..

stay up..mugging!!

well..anyway..yesterday,the whole night i didnt sleep..

&& i didnt really study too..

too distracted,tired && again,my mind totally turned off!

i didnt know why!!

im totally pissed with myself..

yesterday night till morning..

im with bernie,bibi && syg..

*my syg is a girl,okay..

hahas.. :))

i am totally so not a lesbian..dont get the wrong idea..

they did study..bt im too turned off at the moment so i while away my precious time looking around the airport's mcd as if it is so interesting that it captured my attention..what the hell!!

&& now im regretting it!haaiisshh..

bt d..its not too late right..?

i ever told you that im gonna make the most out of my life && will not regret any of it..any decision i've made,'coz its my decision && i know what exactly i want..bt right now d, i dont know what i want..

i dont wanna sleep today..becouse im scared that i'll forget everything the next morning..

2009-08-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

ya know d..

people change right?

hmm..maybe i'll too right??

im kinda nervous now ya know..

&& feeling so stress..

tomorrow is the big day!!

hahas..not that kind of 'big' day..

with dalca && nasi beriyani && acar..

but my maths exam is tomoro!!!

that kind of bigday!!

i can afford to flunk my examination no more!!

haiisshh..

ya know d..

i reaaally wish you're here now..

so you can hold my hand..

with your faint smile,you'll say..

"its ok yaya..you can do it..."

its been 2 years since right?

wow!how time flies ekk..

it seems just like yesterday i cried bitterly in the hospital..

hahas..

i still remember back than when it seems im gonna cry any minute..

kak Faz said this to me..

"daya,its ok to cry ya know..we cry when we're sad..

laugh when we're happy..

thats what humans do..

we're only human..its natural.."

hmm..well..

you're missing big time ya know..

for going off so soon..

too soon..bt then..

who are you to fight against fate's will?

anyway..todays basically nothing happen..

for the first time..

i willingly stays home the whole day to study..

OMGOMGOMG!!

is this really hidayah?

hahas:))

while studying.. i feel so sleepy coz guess what??

its raining cats and dogs out there!

OMG?!im super hungry..and now super super hungry && super super sleepy!!!

ujian besar btol!!hehes..

i've realised something i shouldnt have..

2009-08-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

Heys d!!

feeling pretty hype right now..

*~*Dilly Dally..Wishhy Wasshy...*~*

jusst finisshed a cup of PREMIUM coffee..

its my brother's in law's..

he reaally enjoy drinking coffee..

so he didnt even mind burning a hole in his pocket for these kind of things..

hahas..

its human nature you know..

they could go as far as sacrificing their own life,for their loved ones..&& their interest!

i really hate these kind of people!!

i DETEST them..

i ABHORE them!!

selfish of them,ya know..

they only think of themselves..self-centeredness..

ego-centric!shame on them!

they didnt think of those people who they left behind..

the people who loves them more than they love themself..

the people who are willing to do the same for them..

&& the people who will die if they do..

D, why must you go before me?

you promised me,remember??

well, its human nature too to break promises..

im not surprise..

you know d..

when someone you loves dies,right infront of your eyes..

that memories will etched inside your brain like glue..

it will never go away..

it will even haunts you in your sleep..

that vivid picture will always stay in your mind..

i've started to get used to it,ya know...

thanks for the memories:))

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

ya know..someone ever told me this..

"being lonely doesnt necessarily means you're alone,ya know.."

i dont know whats she's hinting at..

bt,it sets me thinking..

its a sad sad life..right?:))

IHATESUNDAYS..&& mondays..

2009-08-22T03:15:00.000-07:00

you know..d?

right now..1 more hour to BUKE PUASE!!!

hahas..its so obvious right..that im damn bored..

haishh..shouldnt i be studying??

haisshh..dont know y..hmm..

well..you wanna know why i hate sundays..

most of you guys LOOOVE sundays..

well its supposed to be the best day..

bt not for me..- NUU-UH!!

YADA!!Ney!!

well blame it at my stuupid exams..

ya know..i've always waited with batted breath for sundays..

bt right now!!no more..

becouse eventhough its public holiday..

bt i didnt really enjoy it..

becouse i know tomorrow will be monday and that means back to school..

at the back of my mind..

so now..i really love saturdays!!!

well..i hate mondays too!!

well mondays blues..

who dont have it??

d..your memory is fading..~

2009-08-22T01:22:00.000-07:00

d..miss you teribbly..

:((

they keep telling me to move forward..

they say someone who wont move forward,

is lonely..

sad...

&& in pain...

bt d,

if i do that,it means forgetting bout you right..

i dont want that..

bt it seems..

your memory is fading...

will you be forgotten..? :'(

im hungry~

2009-08-22T01:00:00.000-07:00

"sabarr yaya sabar..."

i said it too many times..

i recited those words as though they were some kind of charms..

pathetic me,no?

haiisshh...

d,im too tired anyway..

cant seem to study..

just can concentrate..

its like my brain and mind is totally turned off..

and for the past few hours..

i was screaming,"please turn on 0 brain!!!!"

ohh shit!!

im in deep shit!!

my exam is the day aft tomorrow..

i can afford to slack no more!!!!!!!

d..please help me..

but d, u ever said to me that hard work will pay off eventually right..

i believe in you d!

i'll work hard..

so please dont dissapoint me kay..

:))

saho!!!saho!!!

2009-08-21T14:19:00.000-07:00

d!!!saho!!!hahahs..

currently..

im waiting for subuh azan..

so can semayang subo..den ngorokk!!:))

yippeee!!!

so..d!!selamat besaho!!

MARHABAN YAA RAMADAN..

2009-08-21T05:42:00.000-07:00

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

BULAN DIMANA,

NAFAS KITA MENJADI TASBIH..

TIDUR KITA MENJADI IBADAH..

AMAL KITA DITERIMA..

&& DOA KITA DIIJABAH..

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

D,you know..

how i love love love this phrase..

the first time i received it from iqa..

i keep on reading it over && over again..

it felt so nice..

so heart-warming..

it makes me feel so glad..

that i've live to see this holy month..

to be able to meet this month..

&& to experience this again..

its such a bless && my good fortune..

i've always thought that bulan ramadhan=bazaar..

bulan ramadhan=diet,

bulan ramadhan=jalan2 1 s'pore carikk baju,kasot,tudong && bag raye!

OMGOMG!!

how naive can i be??

hahas..

well,today..

im feeling kinda down ya know..

haisshh..

&& so so so tired..

u used to tell me this when im down..

"yaya, dont push yourself too hard..i'll be by your side no matter what.."

how i wish..i can hear it again..

:((

two days of sleepless night..hahas..

2009-08-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

heys d,

wassup??-_-''

something really wrong with me..

hahas..

hmm..

guess what d?

its all start with a random talk with my friends..

"korang,nanti 1wk tak skool kite blaja sesame..nak tak??"said yaya..

a few days later..

"yaya..turon mcd T3..kite belaja sesame.."

"hmm..skang??yaya kat orchard laa..hehes"

yaya looked at her watch..its 10PM!!

"okay..esokk turon akk..kite blaja the whole night.."

wow!!blaja the whole night??can i do that..

yaa..boleylaa..

haiisshh..

yaa..it seems i really did study for the past two night..

tho gt a LOT of distractions!!

AM,abg police handsome && of coz!!MCspicy!!!

hahas..

hmm..nt forgetting d..

today is my last day to baya balek pose!!

yeayy!!

cukop2 seyh..

esok da HARAM pose..

yela..

malam terawih..

&& tenga pose nie..

my old habit is back..

i played ps2 this whole time!!

OMGOMG!!

&& its supposed to be my study wk!!

isyyisyyisyy..-_-''

bt d..

STUDYING=MENTALLY,PHYSICALLY && SPIRITUALLY ABUSED!

you know what it takes to study..

A STRONG WILL && MIND!;p

reaally..

believe me,no?

my loyal && faithful,d..

2009-08-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

hahas..dont know y..

bt the more i talk to you..

the more i feel you..

alive..

ekk!!eerie!!!hahas..

bt it feels kinda great ya know..

im the only one who can talk to u!!

yeayy!!

just hope someone would not sent me to IMH or something..

hahas..

im not crazy 'kay!!*winx*

bt ya know d..

everyone would have someone to talk to..

&& for me..

its you!

well..it just that..

you're not real..

&& you're not alive..

didnt even exist!!hahas:))

anyway..Y D??

y not M,H or even A..?

well..its the initial of someone i love..

&& loves me back..

bt..D's gone..

forever..

im a flower that hasnt bloom yet,just becouse im too scared to face the world..the real world..

2009-08-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

ahh..d..please..

if you cant stop the time..

please O please..

make it run slower..

haisshh!!im so so running out of time!!

how O how am i gonna make it easier for me..

when everything seems so difficult..&& blurrish..

im so **cked up!!

hahas..umie is so gonna give me a tight slap if she know that i cussed..

haha..in my own blog..

noty yaya!!:))

hmm..okay..lets put my ever-piling-stressed aside..

lets talk 'bout what happen today!!

OMGOMGOMG!!

its so so official!!!

kinokuniya at orchard is my favourite place to shop!!

&& also not forgetting pizza hut is my favourite fastfood restaurant..

well actually swensen is!hahas..

burn a hole in my pocket!!hahas:))

theres a lot actually..

i love eating!!

if im gonna write all of it..

gonna take a lot sia..

well..bt most of all..

i mostly enjoy arabian food..

maybe it runs in my blood or something..

hehe:))

&& japanese food!!

&& italian food!!

well..actually im having foot-ache!!

guess what d?

just now..we went to orchard..

&& we went round && round 'surveying' things..

bags..shoes..make-ups..damn!

and aft that..guess what?

we went to serangoon!!!

omgomg!!

bt...its so de-stressing..&& kinda fun!bt tired..*sigh*

well..its so rare for me to have some time out with my sis..

might as well enjoy it!!:))

anyway..i didnt fork out a cent for my meals..*winx*

thats what so great about going out with family..:))

you know what d?

im gonna enjoy every living second when im with my loved ones..

life is so short to even be sad..

being sad for even a minute,you've actually lose 60 seconds of pleasure and happiness!

what a waste right,d?

idiot me~

2009-08-16T10:41:00.001-07:00

im sad now..

so so sad..

and the funny thing is..

you wanna know what,d?

the reason..

is..

that..

i finally find out that im not the only one who knows..

the secret..

baka ne?

haisshh...

so so childish..:((

i may make many mistake due to my youthfulness..:((

2009-08-16T10:01:00.001-07:00

you know d,

im so so so pissed right now..

haiishh..:((

i dont know why..

even though she really pissed me off..

i cant seem to hate her..

haiizz..

something really wrong with me ekk..

maybe becouse i really love her??

iyekk!!cant be..

hmm..next time tell me sooner if you cant make it ekk..

thank goodness i havent went out yet..

hmm..

bt alas..i went out too..

dont know why..

suddenly feels the urged..urrgghh!!hahas:))

sound corny..

bt it feels so relaxinng!!

you know,with the stress piling up..

and the sem-end exam coming..

the submission of proj!!

OMG..all this summed up to DISASTER!!

CATASTROPHE!!!:((

hmm..and right now..

im rushing!!!baya balekk pose!

haisshh..skang aru nak baya ekk..hahas:))

hmm..my mum been nagging..from last year sia..

hahas..

now?DOUBLE NAGGING!!hahs..

you know d,

talking about nags..y ekk

the older you are..

the more you're prone to nag..

im not talking bout my mother though..

haiishh..

or my father..

bt someone someone..

hmm..just now..

my ear nearly bleed sia..

from hearing all those nags!

i know already..

just say it once!

its enough..right d?

im...sick...

2009-08-15T01:08:00.000-07:00

hey 'ssup d!

hmmm..im not sick..

physically..ya know..:))

d..i dont know why..

haiisshh...

i think im going mad already..

you can love me a lil bit,becouse i love you a lot..it'll even out somehow..

2009-08-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

hey D,

just now i talked with asilah..

haha..

currently,she's kinda dating..

talking on the phone..

aww..you know..that kinda things..hehe:))

hmm..a good progress ekk..haha..

you know d,

really..are we that unreliable..

you know..

im feeling empty right now..

it feels so lonely..

are we really dependant on them..

is it really necessary..

you know..this kinda things..

haisshh..

heartbroken...

2009-08-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

hey d..how do u do.. -_-''

asking someone who isnt even exist q..stupid ek..

hmmm..i guess this is how it feels...

heartbroken...

u know d..

it isnt easy to hold a candle for someone..

and its been 7 years..

7 long years..

i've liked someone..

so i guess this is it ekk..

i told to myself..i'll like him..

&& i'll contiue to like him..

till he finds someone else..

he become someone's..

when he find a better girl..

i'll let him go...

i'd always told myself that..

but why d..

when that time comes...

&& it'd come..

i cant let go...

&& it hurts...

it hurts like hell,d..

im in pain~

d, you know?

2009-07-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

d, you know something??

there's absolutely no rules in running away..

there's no age limit too..

great or what?!

haha:))

whenever you feel suffocated..

&& you think that ur problem is just too big..

&& cant be solved..

u can just pack up ur stuff..

&& go somewhere..someplace..

where everyone is a stranger to you..

hide under the tremendous waves of people..

bt it'll be so cowardly..right d?

we're talking cats and dogs language here...

2009-07-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

hey d..miss me..??

sorry ley..

its my exam week..ley..haha:))

hmmm..u know d..

just now...

i meet up with asilah..

hahaha:))

she never change!!

NEVER!!

its a good thing,you know..

i dont want her, ever to change!!

i like the way she is...

im so comfortable..being around her..

well..basically just now..;p

we just meet up..

eat at BK..den we went to the library..

laugh at all the NONSENSE book..

spend an hour or two there

lingering..

den we both decided to lend only one book!

den went to the park near the bustop..

sit hours and hours at there..

doing nothing bt reminiscing at our old days..

i miss that sooo much

i can see that asilah's misses those days too..

her eyes shone so bright..

when she's talking about that..

bt then..

we both know that we'd to let go...

:((

so sad ley...haizz..

Nothing everr build to Last..

2009-07-03T02:27:00.001-07:00

d,u know..

everybody in my family is pretty hype right now..

they're all pretty happy..

'coz the number in my family member..

will increase pretty sooon..

they're all pretty excited..and in bliss..

bt u know d..

a part of me,really really happy bout it..

its an honest truth...

im quite happy..

atlast, my 2nd sister found herself a man

whom she loves and loves her back..

and of course,she's really happy..

u know,d..

amongst all my sister..

i love her the most

everyone in this world would have someone they love the most..

to me,

she understand me the most..

she's a wonderful sister..

she is sooo soooo nice..

altruistic,caring,loving and the most nicest sister ever..

&& if all goes well..

she'll belong to someone else..

i'll have to share her with someone else..

&& u know,d..

the other part of me..

refuse && unwillingly dont wanna let her go..

i dont wanna lose her to someone else..

dont wanna share her to someone else..

i want her for my own..

u know,d..

ever since im a child..

my parents've always given up on me..

they always thought that im a troubled child..

they'd always asked me..

"yaya, why cant you be like all ur other sister?"

&& there's a time

my 2nd sister asked me this..

"yaya.why is it when i look at you,

i feel that you're suffocating inside..

&& you look as if you're shouldering this whole world burdens..?"

shes always looking out for me,

slap me at times

scold me all the time..

&& i know,she loves me..

whenever she scold me

i would smile

nice girl tends to get misunderstood..

she thought i was being rude..

she would slap me..

bt i smiled 'coz im really happy..

i loiike it when people scold me..

nags at me..'coz i can feel love vibes emitted out!:))

bt d,its too much right??

im content now..

it enough..

i should let her go..

&& persue her own happiness..

just have to put on a smile right..

~its not that hard..

Nothing everr build to Last..

2009-07-03T02:27:00.000-07:00

why 0 why,things cant remain unchanged..?

2009-06-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

D,u know..

im scared ley..

i dont wanna lose my precious sister..

will she change after she got married..?

will she stop loving me

like she used to..

i dont want that!

im a coward..

2009-06-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

d,truth is..

im a coward..

im scared && didnt have enough courage..

to forget it && carry on living..

as if nothing happened..

i just cant..

im comfortable this way..

the way i am..

but basically im running away from everything..

right,d??

i'd always think that this isnt forever..

life is short..

its unpredictable..

we never know what'll happen tomorow..

so i tend to shove everything aside..

saying that its okay..

'coz..tomorrow'll never come..

but..it came && gone..

without me even realising it..

bt that thing,still beside me.

feigning ignorance && being oblivious about it

thats how i solved my problems..

pretty unresponsible..aint i??

its too lonely..

2009-06-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

its too painful

to be alone

its only normal

to want someone

to snuggle up together

i wonder what will become of me..

2009-06-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

d,what will become of me..?

i dont like reality..

im more comfortable in my dreams..

whenever im feeling down..

i'll inject hallucinations && illusions to my conscience

to make me feel better..

how can that be,right d..?

its like im living in my dreams..

i dont want to lose myself there..

&& never be able to step to reality..

back to earth,real world..

d,im scared..

o God, please let this love feeling dies..

2009-06-24T00:11:00.000-07:00

God, O God..

Please let this love feeling dies && withers to nothingness..

im desperate O god..

its hurting me

its killing me

i can take it,no more..

i dont want this anymore

its twisted

its a mistake

it should'nt even be here..

why O why..

O God

im feeling like this..?

life is a maze,love is a riddle..

2009-06-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

u know,d

its too much and its a lot..

to be someone im not..

y the hell must we change sia..

im comfortable in my own skin..

i dont see a need for me to change..

im bizarrely purr-fect:))

its gonna be a long and lonely night..

2009-06-23T09:24:00.000-07:00

d,u know..

im down with flu seyy..

very sad leyy..

haizz..

it feels horrible everywhere..

my back pain loikke hell..

well..very sad seyy..

bt u know,d..

when im down like this..

it kinda flash me back when im still at my old school

my ustazah once told me that

if Allah send me an illness

he's testing me and while he's at it

all my lil sins

will vanished into nothingness

im kinda relieved when i think about it u know

so its not that bad..:)

freedom,a bitter sweet sensation..

2009-06-23T03:31:00.000-07:00

hmm...u know d..

this monday i'll start my examination..

but,hell!i have'nt even touch any of my book!

like oh my god!

yaya!!what happened to you!!

damn!

haishh!

i've started to feel nervous now!

im not gonna sleep tonight!

like hell we've all the time in the world..

i gotta feeling

that tonight gonna be a long night..

thousands of stars,reminiscing..

2009-06-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

d,u believe in everlasting love..?

u know d..

i wanna believe in it,ya know..

but somehow..somewhere in my life..

i'd realise that there are a lot of living examples..

around me..

they keep on reminding me that such things

only exists in fairytales..

it'll keep me in denial..

&& i'll try so hard to grasp to my belief..

bt..

i know already..&& i believe that our fates and destiny

has already been written for us..

even before we were born

bt,a human as i am

im scared..

this doenst hurt,at all..bt i had enough..

2009-06-20T00:30:00.000-07:00

D,do you know..

after gone through heartbreaks && heartaches..

someone can really lose the ability to love again..

how sad can that be..

u know d,

love is the most vital part of being human..

how can they lose it..

bt u know what sadder, d..

unrequited love is so sad..

we can love someone in second

bt to forget them..

took a lifetime!

&& whats more,

in whatever you do..

even if ur love is accepted

u cant be together..

its so sad..right!

im twisted..:(

now..3 am already..

2009-06-19T11:12:00.001-07:00

im very bored leyy..

can someone fills me in..:(

serves me right,right?haha:)

2009-06-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

haha:)

reading all my friends blog

made me realise that mine

is the WORSE!

haha:)

really leyy...

well..serves me right for start blogging so dame late..

haha:)

well..dun care aniway..

i didnt start blogging for publisiti niwei..

only one person know my blog..

i think..very unlucky girl ehhk..haha:)

a pebble in the water makes a ripple effect, every action in this world bear a consequence..

2009-06-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

u know d,

it hurts like hell you know...

when we go all out

&& do something for someone

but they heckkcare

&& treat our efforts like shit!

well, i dont care anymore u know...

i dont care anymore for anything

u know d,

long ago, i like desperate u know..

wanting something i know wont ever be mine..

im scared u know

always feeling scared...

i dont know why..

im scared to do,im scared to be

&& im even scared to live..

so i enjoy the feelings of escaping reality

haha,pathetic lil me,no?

what is a night without the moon and the stars..?

fire and powder,as they kiss,consume..

2009-06-17T04:48:00.001-07:00

you know D..in this world..

no one is perfect right?

well,even im not perfect..

im no angel,no?

i cant always do everything right,right??
&&living in this world..

it made me realise that dont ever judge a book by its cover..

sometimes the likes of you is better than the likes of me..

i meditate upon my own name...

ahhkk..anyway,whos on for blood-the last vamp movie??

gimme a beep for whos interested..coz im going to watch it even if it means im watching alone..

&&dont need to remind me that its m18..i'd do that all the time:))

heheheh:)

yaya's new friend..:))

2009-06-16T04:04:00.001-07:00

the 'monyet' with my beautiful niece..
delicious choc cake!!

heyy guyss...

hehe...suddenly..i feel like sharing with you,beautiful ppl bout my new friends..

well, its not that my old peeps are forgotten or something like that..bt hehe:))

anyway..we're having our first outing this thursday.. a bbq!!woohoo:))

getting pretty excited bout that!

hehe

well,anyway..im very touched with them sia..

you know..i just got to know them like a few months..u know..too-early-to-even-gone-for-urine-test..hahaha..kay,kay!!lame..crap!

bt they actually remembered my birthday!!they even made a surprise party for me!!!im so very very touched seii that day..bt somehow..i cnt convey that msg across..really seyy..haha:))

they bought for me this big 'monyet'..yeahh..im wondering too..gt a special-secret meaning to that or something..think positive yaya!!hehe:))

very touched with them...feels like kissing and hugging them seyy..hehe:))

kay..

***i've yet to find my peace

mr sun,sun,mr golden sun..

2009-06-16T03:34:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i really wanna be alone,ya know..
it cuts me the trouble of having to monitor my behaviour and attitudes..
i've got issues,ya know..:))
bt then,when im alone..i wish theres someone beside me..
we dont need conversations..i just need someone by my side..:))
you must be wondering..my email sounds crap right??
canwetalk??haha..
mayb to you..communications between you & ur loved ones is something trivial..
unimportant..
bt to me..im almost desperate for it..haha:))
pathetic girl,no??:))
i remembered the last time we'd a real conversation..is when im 9..
aba storytell me to sleep..sweet aint it,no?
aba:yaya bintii,d'ya know whats the worse sin & the most sinful act of all?
me:huhh??i dont know..what is it aba??
astonished by my stupidity..he laughed serenely..
aba:its robbery my daughter,robbery..
when you kill a woman.you robbed her of her life
you robbed her parents of a dutiful daughter..
you robbed her husband of a lovely wife..
&you robbed her children of a wonderful mother..
when you steal something..
you robbed that someone of their precious things & their sense of security N peace..
when you tell lies..
you robbed that someone of their right to know the truth.."
And that night..without realising it,aba'd robbed me of my peaceful sleep..
n i was just nine...:))
n yeahh..my family is very tradisional..n me too,no?
haha..ive always been the black sheep among my sibs..
believe me,no?
ask my father why he quits smoking..
n i was just in primary two!
still cant believe??
i can show u my father's 'love marks',just below my hip..hehe:))

all ab0ut yaya...

2009-06-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

hello:))

never did i expect this day would come..

i've a blog!!yeayy!!:))

hmm..actually..i dont know what to post..

haha:))

well..

basically..a lot of things've happen..

esp in my life..

life is unpredictable..

haizz..why im sighing..o-O'

i dont know who to talk to..

pic over there is me and my cuzzie..i know im pale-white..tired sia that time..i sent her back to m'sia..hours in the bus made me bus-sick..uwekk..with the smell and all..made me pregnant-nausea...haisshh..

hate taking bus..:(

well..pardon me for not introducing myself..my comm skill teacher will cry-lying-down-mouth-open if she know i didnt practise what she teach..haha:))

well,my name is hidayah bte badar abdat

if you cnt pronounce my full name or have difficulty doing that,dont kill urself or something..alot of my friends cnt do that..just call me daya or yaya will do..

im arabian-chinese if ur wondering..yeah,im mixed blood bt still,i speak in malay.. its my mother-tongue..yeah n im wondering too,where does that come from..

im still a student..unemployed..n bored!

just now,i watched terminater salvation alone..actually im not a fan of that bt no movie catches my eyes and i really want to watch something so i just settle down with that..thinking bck..actually im quite a loner..i just like to do things alone..n i find pleasure in doing that.. n i love lollipop!!watermelon flavour!!:))

im currently having my two weeks holidays n i tell you something,two weeks is not enough!!!well,nothing is enough anyway..to me..:(

the sun didnt come out,again..

the night is y0ung && s0 are we..

y0u make me wanna die, i'll never be g00d en0ugh..

im more interested in finding happiness than finding the right label..

PE0PLE LIE, EVERY SEC0NDS.. EVERY DAY..

EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP N0W.. I D0NT EVEN WANNA TRY ANYM0RE..

BE READY HEART, F0R PARTING, BE READY BRAVELY..

Y0U MAY THINK THAT Y0U'RE FALLING IN L0VE, BUT I, I MAY THINK THAT IM BEING CAGED..

EVERYTHING SEEMS S0 FRAGILE, THEN WE REALISE THAT WE'RE SPECIAL..

EY ALAAA, CUT THE CRAP!

I PLAYED WITH FIRE, ITS JUAT A MATTER 0F TIME IT BURNS ME..

ITS NICE TO KNOW, THAT PEOPLE ARE DYING EVERYWHERE, EVERY MINUTE && IM ENJOYING EVERY SECOND OF IT.. :))

LETS G0 T0 A PLACE WHERE IT IS ALL SIMPLER THAN THIS..~

AFTER I'VE L0ST S0METHING, 0NLY THEN I REALISE, THAT WE'RE SPECIAL..

DREAMIIINNGG, && IM FALLING..

CAN WE PRETEND THAT AIRPLANES IN THE NIGHT SKY LIKE SHOOTING STARS, I CAN REALLY USE A WISH RIGHT NOW..~

FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFML!!!!!!

IM NOT READY TO LOST YOU, BT I DONT EVEN GOT THE CHANCE TO SAY THAT..

BEING IN DENIAL, WILL IT HELP..?

IF YOUR HEART IS COLD, MY SHEETS ARE WARM..

CAUSE, I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ALL OVER ME NOW.. XD

HEYYY PAPA, CAN Y0U HEAARR MEEE..??~

~*~HANDS SEALED WITH KISS~*~

**IT'S NOT EN0UGH, && IT'LL NEVER BE ENOUGH..***

~*~Ooo, WANNA SUFFOCATE, NO MORE..~*~

~*~ NO MORE YOU,WHAT IMMA GONNA DO..? ~*~

~*~ YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME~*~

I NEED ALLAH IN MY LYYFEE~ &&& I NEED HYYM THE MOST RIGHT NOW~~~:''((((

D.. THERE ARE TIMES, I JUST PANIC && SO SO SCARED THAT I JUST WISHED THAT I JUST LAY DOWN && DIED..~

~MY MOON BELONGS TO YOUR SUN..~

~YOUR HOPES, YOU DRREAMS.. YOUR EVERYTHING..~

~HMM..I GUESS ITS TOO LATE FOR ME TO WISH U GUYS HAPPPPY NEWWWW YEAR!!!:))

~HE ATE MY HEART~

DAMN,WIRE-WRAPPING SUCKS BIG TIME!!IM FREAKING HATE IT!!!

THE LAST MINUTE GIRL I AM~

~SOMETIMES,IM JUST TOO TIRED..I CANT BE BOTHERED ANYMORE..

THE TRAGEDY, IT SEEMS NEVER ENDING..

NOW, IM BOUND TO THE LIFE YOU'D LEFT BEHIND.

LOOK AT ME, && TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE?

WHEN THIS HEART BEATS IT'S LAST,MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL DIES OUT

IM DEPRESSED~

WE'RE TOO FAR OUT TO TURN BACK..

IM SO SICK && TIRED OF YOU..WAHAHAHAHA!!

D, SOMETIMES..I WANNA GO HOME SO MUCH,THAT I BLEED..

SOMETIMES, ITS JUST NOT MEANT TO BE..

IM ADDICTED, IM HOOKED..OMG!!

D, GET USED TO IT~

AHH..REAALLY NERVOUSE RIGHT NOW,HOPE THE BUTTERFLY WILL FLY AWAY..

I NEED TO BE ABLE TO THINK CAREFULLY, I'D WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG && NOW,IM CONFUSED..

NOW,IM INSOMNIAC..

DROP EVERYTHING, FORGET EVERYONE && JUST GO..

LIKE TEARDROPS IN THE RAINS,IM I SO INSIGNIFICANT?

IM TIRED OF COUNTING SHEEPS.NOW IM TOO TIRED TOO SLEEP...

WHAT SIGNIFICANTS IS THERE TO LIVE ANYWAY..?

i think i need a pschoanalysis...

D,TAKE MY PAIN AWAY..EVEN JUST A LIL..

i dont wanna sleep today..becouse im scared that i'll forget everything the next morning..

i've realised something i shouldnt have..

IHATESUNDAYS..&& mondays..

d..your memory is fading..~

im hungry~

saho!!!saho!!!

MARHABAN YAA RAMADAN..

two days of sleepless night..hahas..

my loyal && faithful,d..

im a flower that hasnt bloom yet,just becouse im too scared to face the world..the real world..

idiot me~

i may make many mistake due to my youthfulness..:((

im...sick...

you can love me a lil bit,becouse i love you a lot..it'll even out somehow..

heartbroken...

d, you know?

we're talking cats and dogs language here...

Nothing everr build to Last..

Nothing everr build to Last..

why 0 why,things cant remain unchanged..?

im a coward..

its too lonely..

i wonder what will become of me..

o God, please let this love feeling dies..

~~HANDS SEALED WITH KISS~~

IT'S NOT EN0UGH, && IT'LL NEVER BE ENOUGH..*

~~Ooo, WANNA SUFFOCATE, NO MORE..~~

~~ NO MORE YOU,WHAT IMMA GONNA DO..? ~~

~~ YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME~~